Speaker 1: look, let's say you're socially anxious, okay, so what happens when you're socially anxious? you go to a party, your heart's beating, why? the party is a monster, why? because it's judging you, and it's judging you, it's putting you low down the dominance hierarchy because that's what a negative judgment is, and that interferes with your sexual success and that means that you're being harshly evaluated by nature itself Right so you are confronting that the dragon of Chaos when you go into the social situation And so what do you do you're like this right you hunch over and that's low dominance. I'm no threat It's like oh, that's not going to get you very far You know but that's a logical thing to do in the in the face of a tyrant So I'm no threat. You know you look at the king and you're dead. I'm no threat I'm hunched over and then what's happening internally. How are what are people thinking about me? What are people thinking about me? Am I looking stupid? Am I looking foolish? Geez, I'm awkward. I hate being here. Man, I'm sweating too much. It's all Internalized right it's all Self-focused the the the eye isn't work the eye isn't working. What do you tell people? Stop don't stop thinking about yourself because you can't it's like don't think of a white elephant White elephant white elephant white elephant you can't tell someone to stop thinking about something because they get caught in a loop What you do with socially anxious people is you say look at other people Look at them, right? Why because if you look at them you can tell what they're thinking and then you you're unless you're unless you're terribly Socialized and some people are some people have no social skills And so the reason they can't go to a party is because they don't even know how to introduce themselves like they're just no one Ever taught them how to behave and so they're really good Candidates for behavior therapy because you walk them through the process of how you actually Manifest the procedures that are associated with social acceptability, but most people aren't like that They have the ability so if they're really introverted and high in neuroticism They can usually talk quite well to someone one-on-one why because they look at them well if I look at you It's another thing to do if you're ever speaking to a group of people never speak to the group of people Then it doesn't exist you talk to Individuals and then they reflect for you the entire group because they're all entrained if you look at one person They broadcast you what everyone's thinking and you know how to talk to one person, so it's easy So as soon as you focus on the person not you you push your attention outward use your eye You push your attention outward and you start watching well then all your automatic mechanisms kick in, and you stop being awkward, because if we're talking, and I'm looking here, I don't know what you're gonna do next, and I'm gonna put disjunctions into the... like, they're like bad chords in the melody of our... of our conversation, and the reason is I'm not paying attention So that's why the I is the thing at the top of the pyramid It's like, the thing that enables you to win the set of all possible dominance hierarchies is the I, pay attention, pay attention that's the critical issue, that's why the Egyptians worshipped Horus that's why Horus was the thing that rescued Osiris from the depths, it's the capacity to pay attention what do you pay attention to most? what your right hemisphere signals as anomalous it attracts your attention, it's like, this isn't going quite right, I'm not looking at that wrong. that's what you look at, that's what you look at what's not going right, because that's... see, that's the terrible monster that might eat you, but it's also the place you get all the information so, that's why it's useful to have discussions with your enemies because they will tell you things you do not know, and that's such a great thing, because if you don't know them, well, you're not very smart, are you? you know, there may be a time when you go somewhere, that's the thing you need to know and maybe your enemy will tell you why you're such a fool, you know, and a bunch of other things that aren't true, too but even one thing that's accurate, it's like, yeah, thanks very much, man, maybe I'll do some work on that I won't have to carry that forward and that's part of the reason, again, why the terrible predator it's always the terrible predator that has the gold, it's like, it's the person who delivers the message you do not want to hear so it's rough, it's rough, but it doesn't matter, life is rough you