Speaker 1: To the best of our knowledge, this is the first study that, look, there's just so much bloody literature out there. I can't keep on top of it. There's probably some sort of obscure paper that's not on my sort of radar that has got a similar study to this in it. But I can't be arsed with that. I've got so many other things to be doing right now. I've got to review papers. I've got to teach. I've got to supervise PhD students. I've got the university admin stuff. So to the best of my knowledge and the amount of time I've actually got available, this is the first study to do this. Further research is required to, I really need more money. More money to do more experiments like this. Yeah, sure, like I could probably find some other little ways to analyse what I've just said in this paper, but really, I need the money because if I don't have the money, I don't have a job, I don't have the ability to sort of like continue working on the things I want to work to. So of course, there needs to be more research because research ultimately is never ending, but I do need money to feed my kids and that's important. So further research is required and that means you need to give me money, thanks. A growing body of evidence suggests that this is our opportunity to self-cite as much as humanly possible. Self-citing is just such a gift because with a sentence like, there is a growing body of evidence, I can cram all of my past papers in there and importantly, it's boosting my H-index. My H-index is the one index that really dictates the success of my career and I need to gain that in any way possible. So boosting up my H-index by self-citing is just like, just part of the game. So, brilliant, here are all of my past papers which now is self-cited and included in my H-index. Brilliant. It is beyond the scope of this paper. Look, reviewer two, stop asking us to do more experiments. We've packaged it up. We've spent months having this bounce around different reviewers. Now you're the last person and you're really bothering me and you're asking for stuff that I think is a load of rubbish but really, right now, I just want to get this paper out there in the world. I'm fed up of looking at it. So please don't ask for any more corrections. Please don't ask for any more experiments. Please don't ask us to do anything else. This paper is finished. You're the last one to ask us to do something. So please, go away. Go away. It is outside of what I want to do with this paper. It's not your paper, it's mine. So it's outside the scope. I've decided what the story is. The story is that the literature on this topic is vast and diverse. There is so much literature out there in the world about this and I'm just fed up of reading it. I've got my PhD students reading it. I've got my master's students reading it and I just cannot be arsed. I would have to spend hours and hours reading the papers that are coming out about this very specific topic and I just do not have the time. Do you know what I did last week? Last week, I spent 25 hours formatting Excel documents for the department's yearly meeting and I don't have time to look at the literature. So you just need to know there's lots of it. I'm very important and I sort of like, I'm part of an important big developing field. It's fast moving, it's important. Did I say how important I was? It's vast and diverse. I can't be dealing with reading anymore. You read it. You read all the vast and diverse stuff. So I was thinking if you want to do this, it would look great on your CV. Look, I've been asked to do something by someone else. I really don't want to do it but I think it will be good for you to do because then I won't be doing it and the way I can sell it to you is by saying it will look good on your CV. I don't know what your CV currently looks like. I don't care what you want your CV to look like. All I know is I want to get rid of the task that's been given to me and I want to pass it off to you. Sure, you'll get some sort of like other experience like learning how to put together a little conference or whatever I'm asking you to do but ultimately, I'm not doing it and that's the most important thing. So it will look good on your CV because it won't be on my CV. My CV's already full of all the other crap I have to deal with. Now it's your problem. Enjoy. Ah, just asked Dr. Gibson if he can run those experiments with other students in his lab. Look, I owe Dr. Gibson some papers. I've actually been cited on his papers for a while and he hasn't sort of like had anything from me with his name on it. So if we just get him involved a little bit more with some of the stuff we're doing, maybe, you know, we can repay that debt because if I get him on my papers, he'll put me on his papers, everyone will, look, just speak to him, we'll put his name on the paper and everyone will be better. Yeah, let's just pretend that he did something but just go ask for advice first. All right, we'll just do this quick experiment. Okay, I know there is no such thing as a quick experiment. It's going to open up more doors but the thing is is that my publication rate is decreasing. I'm feeling pressure from the department to increase my publication rate. So I'm saying let's just do little experiments that we can package up and publish right away. I'm not saying it has to be the best experiment ever, it just needs to pass peer review and you never know, it could lead to like other sort of things in the future, I just don't know. Also, just get out of my office because I'm a bit bored about talking about all this stuff. So just go run the quick experiment, come back when it's failed, when it's succeeded and we'll publish it because I need to get my publication rate up. I'm starting to look like a failing researcher and I can't be that person in this department. Thanks for your article draft or your thesis draft. Yeah, I'll get it back to you soon. I have no intention of looking at that at all. In fact, you're probably going to have to remind me four or five times before it even sort of rises up to the top of my to-do list. It's not that I don't want to do it, it's just you're not threatening enough for me to do it right now. You see, the dean scares me, my colleagues scare me, you don't scare me, so I can actually just lie to you for a little bit and I won't feel any pressure. But these other people, they're very scary and they're asking me to do stuff, so I'll do that stuff first, but I will get to it. You'll just have to remind me like 20 times. So it will get done, just not now. Or maybe in the next six months, definitely, but just not right now. Oh yeah, yeah, I can see the trend. Oh my God, I can't see the trend. Where is the, if we plot it on a logarithmic scale, maybe we can sort of say that it's a straight line, but my entire life is a lie if this isn't a straight line. Is there a trend? I don't think there's a trend. Let's just put some more data points in there, plot it on a logarithmic scale, and I think we'll be done. We'll just need to get it past peer review. Maybe there's a trend. Put on massive error bars. Put on massive error bars and see if it's a trend. It needs to be a trend. If this is not a trend, this grant is in trouble. It's a trend, it's definitely a trend. Yeah, I can definitely see it. If you hold the paper like this, you can see the straight line. So there are all the things that academics say versus what they really mean under the surface. Let me know in the comments which ones you would add. Also, there are more ways to interact with me. The first way is to sign up to my newsletter where you'll get five emails over about two weeks, everything from the tools I use, the podcasts I've been on, how to write the perfect abstract, the perfect daily schedule, and more. It's exclusive content available for free, so go sign up now. No spam ever, I promise. And also, go check out academiainsider.com. That's where I've got my two eBooks, the Ultimate Academic Writing Toolkit as well as the PhD Survival Guide. I've got the blog growing out as well. I've got the Insider Forum, and I'm about to release some resource packs for each stage of the PhD and graduate school journey, so go check them out soon. They'll be up in the next couple of weeks, and I'll see you in the next video.