Why Gen Z Is Ditching Dating Apps for Offline Life (Full Transcript)

[00:00:00] Speaker 1: So 2026 is the year we're all going offline. Is it? I mean, that's the trend. That's the trend. And I feel like perhaps I will partake in offline light. But what do you guys all think?

[00:00:12] Speaker 2: Keyword trend. I think this is probably a fad that you can't live your life offline. Let's not be ridiculous. Not for me.

[00:00:19] Speaker 3: But like in a light way, perhaps.

[00:00:21] Speaker 1: Like just a little bit offline.

[00:00:23] Speaker 3: I think definitely people want to go offline. I've been speaking to a lot of my friends who especially want to turn off dating apps. They are not bringing anyone much joy at the moment. I support that. Yes. So have you guys used the dating apps?

[00:00:36] Speaker 4: Yes. No. Fortunately, never needed to. Never.

[00:00:39] Speaker 3: Lucky duck. It is pretty lucky. I looked into it and like some of the reasons that people are feeling so exhausted by it. So let's take a look. Gen Zed is the first digital native generation. We grew up organising parties on Facebook, sharing photos on Instagram and most of us are on TikTok. But ask about the dating apps and you're sure to get a pretty similar response.

[00:00:59] Speaker 5: So I just deleted Hinge for like the 500th time on my phone because the worst I ever feel about myself is when I'm using that app, which for whatever reason doesn't feel like how a dating app should make me feel.

[00:01:10] Speaker 6: Dating is awful. It is genuinely terrible. Like every time I hear a dating horror story, I think, do you know what? It can't get worse than this. It literally always does. And I think the fraught way we do dating at the moment has definitely manifested in people's perception of relationship.

[00:01:25] Speaker 3: A lot of people seeking relationships are pointing the finger at the apps for this experience and as a result are breaking up with them. UK digital regulator Ofcom said between May 2023 and 2025, Tinder lost almost a million users, while more than 130,000 departed Hinge in 2024 but have since rejoined to 2025. Shante Joseph wrote an article for British Vogue in October questioning if it was embarrassing to have a boyfriend. That garnered international attention.

[00:01:55] Speaker 6: Dating apps have completely shaped our view and perception of like how we seek romantic love. Because first of all, it seems like the only option, but then you're also just like constantly confronted with like just the most insane people you've ever come across in your life. And you're like, this can't be it, right? It makes you feel just miserable. I don't know if dating apps created the problem, but they definitely kind of amplified it.

[00:02:17] Speaker 3: In an effort to combat dating app fatigue, users are turning to consultants like Jenny Deal.

[00:02:22] Speaker 7: If your profile is just, here's me, that's why you aren't getting matches that you actually get along with.

[00:02:29] Speaker 3: She's made a job out of helping people find success on the apps, charging $250 an hour and seeing five to seven clients a week.

[00:02:37] Speaker 8: A lot of people end up working with me because they're feeling the burnout, but they don't want to give up quite yet on the dating apps because they have a friend who met their partner off Hinge and they're like, I know it can work. I just don't know why it's not working for me. Hinge burnout, I've noticed there's two primary forms and it's pretty gendered between men and women, where women feel burnout because they're almost offended at their options. Men face burnout because no one's matching them back.

[00:03:10] Speaker 3: And one reason for that could be the mismatch in users. A poll from SSRS found that 57% of online dating app users are men, while 38% are women.

[00:03:20] Speaker 9: What we do see is gaps between young men are more likely to go online looking for casual sex than young women are. I think what apps do is in this instant gratification world. We have this expectation, if you got the money, you can order anything, any food can be delivered to your doorstep. And I think there is a way that apps send us into this world that anything can be delivered to us perfectly, wrapped up and all ready for us. And I think that happens in dating apps as well. You know, I think it takes the humanity out of who we are. Most of us aren't that perfect.

[00:03:53] Speaker 6: So what can be done to bridge that gap? I am hopeful that a lot of women will start to reorient their personal intimate lives and they will stop putting romantic relationships at the top of the totem pole so they can still have fulfilling relationships and not feel like they have to sacrifice something. I do hope things will get better, but at the moment, it's not looking good.

[00:04:14] Speaker 3: It's not good out there. If you were to have a message to a young guy watching this show, it's largely touching on the dating apps and the impact and the fact men and women aren't getting on as well as they once seemed to used to. What message would you have?

[00:04:28] Speaker 9: Be patient. You know, go out with your mates. Find one of your friends who's good at, you know, just having small talk with, if you're a bit heterosexual, with young women. But be willing to risk it and be out there.

[00:04:44] Speaker 4: Did I hear that right? $250 an hour. We're in the wrong field. I know, should have been a dating coach instead. But I guess it talks to, I guess not, desperation might be the wrong word, but hopelessness maybe that people feel at the state of the apps or the people they're finding on these apps, that they're willing to part with that much money just to maybe find a little quirk that improves their algorithm slightly.

[00:05:12] Speaker 3: I think it really points to how disappointed people feel. And I was like talking about this with Jenny and some of the people we spoke to, and people take it really personally, like on the apps, and we've seen the reasons why, we just covered them. But people look at that and go, I'm not getting any matches because there's something wrong with me. So what can I do to fix it? Like trying to take it into their own hands, even though that's not necessarily the case.

[00:05:34] Speaker 2: It also goes back to this idea that Gary was talking about instant gratification, where in today's age, everything you need can be ordered and delivered right away, and you get it on your doorstep. But relationships take time. But you want that like dopamine hit of, oh, this person matched me. Oh, this person messaged me. Oh, we have a date plan. And it just doesn't work like that all the time.

[00:05:53] Speaker 1: I spoke to a psychologist also about this, and kind of what both of you were saying. She was saying that people who do really well on these apps are people who have secure attachment styles, where they're not going to be really upset if someone doesn't message them back. They're not going to have, you know, those issues that come from feeling like maybe they're not good enough, etc. And they're okay with not having that constant dopamine hit and instant gratification. They can put the app aside and not use it. And it's particularly bad for people who have anxious attachment styles. But those are often the people who are on the apps, and then they get ghosted, and it really impacts their self-worth and self-being.

[00:06:30] Speaker 3: Yeah, and the ghosting is a huge problem. And apps are trying to deal with it, right? Because it's not in their best interest to have people not enjoying the experience. I know Hinge just brought out a your turn limit, which I think is quite interesting. So your turn means it's your turn to message someone or send a like. But if you haven't responded to eight people, you can't do that. So until you either stop sending out likes without responding, so you either message or you unmatch them because they're trying to stop you from having all these people building up who you have no intention of seeing.

[00:06:59] Speaker 4: I like that. Ghosting is out for 2026. I can get behind that. That's a hot take for me.

[00:07:05] Speaker 3: Yeah, well, one of the other things too is this match note. So if you match someone and you have your public profile, and it has this image of yourself that you want to portray, which is also problematic in itself because no one's perfect, but you've got this curated perfect image. You can send a private message to someone who you're matching with, being like, oh, hey, here's something about me that I'd like to let you know to try and foster a genuine relationship. I think that's really interesting.

[00:07:29] Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you mentioned putting this perfect image of yourself out there too. And I think that's probably one of the problems as well with the dating apps. It's like everyone's trying to look perfect. So you're putting your best self forward. You're matching with someone else's best self. And then when you actually meet each other, it's like, oh, this isn't quite what I had built up in my mind. And I think if you look at some of the older dating websites that used to be out there, eHarmony and Match, and they probably perform a bit better because those people, they're more seasoned. They're actually looking for companionship, looking for relationships. And so I would imagine you would probably get kind of different surveys. People's idiosyncrasies. Yeah.

[00:08:05] Speaker 3: And Gary said this too. He was saying like, we're so used to trying to pretend to be perfect and looking at people that as soon as they drop the ball or the facade slips a bit, we're quite unforgiving. Like, because the apps have sort of taught us to be unforgiving. Because why would you?

[00:08:20] Speaker 2: Which is dangerous because relationships aren't easy. And they take work and effort and time. But we're venturing into date territory, like a dating show. We should start charging people $250 an hour. Let's take a quick break.