Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Paul Magee, author of the book How to Succeed with People. Remarkably easy ways to engage, influence and motivate almost anyone. Have you ever had a conflict, a misunderstanding, a disagreement and wondered why things have escalated the way they have? Well, I'm about to explain why that happens. So what colour is the beach ball? Well, I guess from your perspective, it's red, yellow and orange because that's what you see. But you know what's really interesting? I am looking at exactly the same thing as you are, but I'm seeing something entirely different. You see, you might be seeing red, yellow and orange, but I'm seeing blue, white and green. So maybe one of the things we need to appreciate is that people can actually see things differently from each other and both be right. So how can we build better relationships? How can we minimise conflict? I'm about to show you how. So why don't you think of a person who you'd like to build a better relationship with and maybe minimise the conflict between you? It could be a customer, it could be a colleague or it could be a loved one. I'd like to give you four questions to ponder. Here's the first one. What's going on in their world at the moment? You see, if we're not careful in terms of our communication, from my perspective, all I'm seeing is blue, white and green. But am I taking time out to see their side of the beach ball? What are their issues? What are their needs? What are their concerns at the moment? I remember being picked up by a taxi driver over in Dublin and the first thing I thought about when I saw him was, flipping miserable sod. Judgmental, I know, but that's how he came across. I sat in the taxi with him and then I asked him a question. I said, busy day? He said, yeah, it has been but not doing work. I've just been in the hospital with my daughter all morning. I went, oh, nothing serious. He went, possible brain haemorrhage. You see, when I'd seen him, I'd just seen misery on his face and thought he was a miserable sod. But I'd not really taken time out to even consider what might be going on in his world at the moment. So that customer, that colleague, that loved one, have you ever taken time out to think what is going on in their world at the moment? Question number two. What's important to them at this time? Does this person need a good listening to? Do they need some support? Do they need some time out? Do they just need to feel that they are being understood by you? Do you know what? I've spoken in 36 countries to date and no one, no one has ever said the following to me. You know my trouble, Paul? I've had too much encouragement in life. So perhaps what might be really important to that person at the moment is a bit of encouragement to feel valued and appreciated. What's going on in their world at the moment? What's important to them at this time? Here's question number three. Am I listening to understand or listening to defend? You see, you want to tell me your side of the beach, Paul, but if I'm not careful, I'm interrupting you and going, ah, yes, but, ah, yes, but, ah, yes, but. You see, I've learnt this with my wife who's also my business partner. There are occasions when she needs to sit me down and give me a little bit of feedback and if I'm not careful, I'm listening to her whilst building up the case for the defence. Do you know what I sometimes need to literally do? I need to shut up and listen. Why not develop what I call the gift of the gap? Yeah, that's right. Not the gift of the gap, the gift of the gap. Actually press pause, allow some time and space for the other person to talk and you listen. Listen to understand doesn't mean you're going to listen to agree, but once I understand your side of the beach, Paul, and where you're coming from, perhaps you'll be more open to listening to my side of the beach, Paul, as well. Here's your fourth and final question. Have I clearly communicated my perspective? You see, from my perspective, it was obvious the beach ball is blue, white and green, but maybe I'm making the assumption because I can see that so clearly, so too can other people. Here's the deal. People are not mind readers. What your priorities are at the moment might not be their priorities. Maybe you need to turn that beach ball round and clearly communicate your perspective. So will we eradicate conflict with these four questions? No. You see, to some extent, I think conflict is inevitable, but fighting is optional. And if we use these four questions, then I think we can reduce conflict and build better relationships. I wish you a lot of success.