Speaker 1: A couple months ago, I was in New York City, and I was doing training for a large anesthesiology practice. And I had a bunch of practice managers associated with a hospital. And after the training, this one practice manager comes up to me, and she says, I have someone who's not performing. I said, okay. And she said, well, I keep stripping away parts of her job, trying to leave her something she can do. And I said, okay. And she said, well, there's not much of the job left. I said, okay. I said, how long has this been going on? And she looked up, she paused, she thought for a second, and she said, four years. Now here's the thing that's kind of sad. It's actually not that uncommon, right? Like how many of you have someone who can't merge to an EMR system? It's a nurse. She's been there 35 years. You love her. She's like family. But she can't make the change. And we know we need to do something, but we like her, so we feel like we can't. So I said to this practice manager, I said, well, why haven't you said anything? She said, well, I just, I really like her, and it's hard. I'll give you another one. I was doing training in Boulder. I live in Denver, Colorado. And I had about 65 people, where are the Colorado people? And I had about 65 people. And they were an in-tech group. So it would be like if I had your whole office, right? And I was hired to help them be more candid. That was my job. Help teams be more candid. And I had them all day, nine to four. And in the front of the room right here, this guy is sitting with his teammates. And all day long, he has a booger right here. Booger. Now, when you have a booger right here, what's the only thing you can see? Is the booger, right? Like, there's no head. There's no body. There's just this booger. Now, tell me why all day, nobody talks to the guy about the booger. Why is that? They didn't want to what? They didn't want to make him feel bad, and they didn't want to embarrass him. So let me ask you a question. Which is worse? For someone to be like, dude, or to let him walk around with the booger all day? What would you prefer if it was you? But we have this thing that it's not nice to tell people the truth, right? We have this thing. We're nice people. So I'm going to start a sentence, and I want you to finish it. OK? You ready? If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Who taught you that? Your mommy. So it's mommy's fault that there's not more candor in the workplace. So here's what we're going to do in our time together today. I'm going to give you an eight-step formula to say the hardest things that you've been avoiding. I'm going to demo how to tell someone to put the girls away, how to tell someone they smell, how to tell someone not to text in front of patients, and how to tell someone that she or he has a bad attitude. So last year, I spoke in San Diego, and I had about 100 of you. And I called a handful of you before this conference, and I said, I have 15 minutes to demo hard conversations. What are the hard conversations you want me to demo? So I'm going to demo those conversations. Now, at the end of my time, if you feel nauseous, you're like, I cannot tell someone she smells. I cannot. I will have you do it. Then I want you to come to my breakout session tomorrow morning at 8.30. OK? I'm doing a breakout session at 8.30 called How to Say Anything to Anyone, which is the title of my book. During that session, you will get an expanded version of this, and you will learn how to create an environment where you can say what you want without wishing you had taken medication. That is legal where I live. It's just hard to say that, but I'm clearly not using any of that myself. OK, are you ready? All right, here's how you tell someone to put the girls away. Now, for the people who are not clear what that means, cleavage, people. Too much cleavage. I feel very passionately about this. Here we go. You ready? Step one, introduce the conversation. Hey, do you have a second? I need to talk to you. Step two, I've noticed. I've noticed that some of the clothing you're wearing shows quite a bit of cleavage. Step three, state the impact of that behavior. When people look at you and think about you in this office, I want them thinking about how smart you are and all that you bring to our practice. I don't want them distracted with something else. Step five, ask her for her take on the situation. What are your thoughts? Now, what you should expect to get is a massive amount of defensiveness. And if she doesn't get defensive, you should call an ambulance. Now, I'm not kidding because people are wired to get defensive. And some of us are waiting, right? We are waiting to have these conversations for the right time, right? You're like, well, I got this person who's not performing, but I'm just waiting for the right time. That time is not going to come, people, right? You're waiting for the moment that she's going to be receptive. Guess what? It's not coming. So when she gets defensive or starts to cry or kills you off or raises her voice, you just go, aha, she is breathing, sweet, right? And she is not smoking that stuff that in Boulder is so prevalent. So you keep going and she says whatever she says and you say, okay, can I make a suggestion or request? You say, I want you to go to Ann Taylor. And Ann Taylor sells these camisoles that are really high and nylon, and they're $16 on sale, and they come in every color. And just wear it under everything because when you sit down, it won't get any lower. Now, men are like, what does she mean? Women, you know what I mean, right? Like when we sit down, sometimes things, they just get lower. And then you say to her, would you be willing to do that? And the last thing you say is, thanks for having this conversation with me, I know it was awkward. Now, how many of you are thinking there is no way I can do that without dying? You can, you can. I want you to have the mind frame that when you tell people the truth, you do them a favor. To let your employees proliferate in a job where they are not being successful or where people are talking smack about them, meaning gossip, does not do them a favor. Now, tomorrow morning, what I'm going to talk about is how do I create a relationship with my doctors and my staff and our partners and our vendors and our patients where we can tell the truth? So if any of this feels difficult, come tomorrow, okay? Now, if I had not done a debrief as I went, step one, step two, step three, if I had just run through it, how long would that have taken me? A minute, two minutes, or ten minutes? Two minutes. Good feedback is two minutes. People would rather hear that they're not cutting it for two minutes rather than 20, right? They don't want to hear that they smell for 20 minutes. They want you to tell them and they want to get out and tell anyone who will listen what an idiot you are. So faster is better, okay? So I'm going to keep demoing the formula. Now, I'm clearly following an eight-step formula that I don't have with me today. It's in my head, but I want to give it to you. So everybody write this down. This is a website, and I've posted the formula for you, and you can go pull it down, okay? Because the formula, if you follow it, it will work for you every time. Now, by the way, gentlemen, you cannot tell a woman to put the girls away. I don't care how badly you want to, you need to have another woman in the practice do that. Now, if you're the practice manager and you're a man, and all your staff are women, and you got someone with the girls hanging out, you find someone that woman has a relationship with, and you say, listen, will you have this conversation for me? You can't have it. If you do choose to have it, please have a witness because it is a walking lawsuit waiting to happen. All right, are we ready for how to tell someone they smell? Okay, good. You ready? Hey, when you have two minutes, I need to talk to you. Two minutes. Do it in a private setting, behind a closed door, not in front of other people, not in Cube land. If you don't have a private environment, go to Starbucks, where other people you know are not there. And you say, hey, I've noticed that you have an odor. That's it, people, six words. I've noticed you have an odor. We work in a small environment here, and I never want someone to not want to work with you because of this. Now, I know this is very awkward. It's awkward for me, and I'm sure it's awkward for you. But I'd much rather you hear this from me than somebody else. What are your thoughts? And then he'll say, or she'll say, whatever they say. I work out over lunch, and I don't shower, and oh my gosh, I can't believe you're telling me this, and ah, right? Now, I have found that most people you say this stuff to, they actually know. Like, I was dating this guy a couple years ago, and it was before my book came out. And in the book, here's the book, in the book, there's a whole section on how to tell someone they smell. And he was reading the manuscript before it was printed, and his name was, well, I can't tell you his name, that wouldn't be fine, Bob. And Bob says to me, I think I'm in your book, right? And I was like, what? Cuz Bob smelled, so I told him he smelled, right, cuz I'm candid. And he's like, I think I'm in your book. And I was like, no, I always teach that, it's not pertinent to you. Now, how many of you would like a copy of this book? Okay, two, that's not very good. Self esteem, people. So I am being sponsored today. The sponsor for this session is Phoenix Ortho, and they're giving away 100 books. I know, right? So I'm gonna be signing them, and we're gonna give away 100 books at 2.45. So you should come to their booth at 2.45, and I'll sign your book, and we'll give away 100 books. Now, can I say a word about sponsors? Are there any other sponsors here in the room? Okay, just one. Okay, so we're gonna talk about the sponsors for a second. So here's the thing. If you like the speakers at this conference, and you're enjoying paying less than $2,000 to come here, you should thank the sponsors and the exhibitors. So I watch people, yeah, whoo. So I'm a professional speaker, and I speak at conferences. This is what I do for a living, and I do training with companies like yours. And I'm often only here because of the sponsors. Now, I watch y'all at the exhibit hall, and this is what it looks like. You're like, mm, they have good swag, and I want that yo-yo. But I don't wanna go over there and have to talk to them, because they're gonna try to sell me something. So I'm just gonna be like, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. And can I take some candy? So here's what I want you to do. I want you to talk to your sponsors and exhibitors, okay? They're not gonna shove some insurance plan down your throat. They just wanna meet you. But if they don't get to meet you, they don't come back next year, and then you don't have people like me to offend you. I'm just kidding. So I want you to talk to them, okay? And Phoenix Ortho, I want you to put your hands together for them, cuz they're rock stars. And come get a free book. Now, if you don't get a free book, if we run out, I'll have some in my session tomorrow morning, and I'll give some away. So if you're not an afternoon person, you're gonna go to the pool, but you're a morning person, come in the morning. Okay, now, what was the third one I promised you? How to tell someone to stop texting in front of a patient. All right, you ready? Hey, do you have a second? I need to talk to you. This is a little awkward for me to bring up. It may be a little awkward for you. But I care about you, and I care about your career, and I think this is getting in the way. I've noticed that at times, when you're working with patients, that you're on your phone and you're texting. We're in an environment that is really about customer service and paying attention to every patient who comes in here as if they were our parents, and our moms, and our grandmas. So I'm gonna ask you not to have your phone out ever, ever, when you're with a patient, and that you're really giving your full attention to that patient. What are your thoughts? And that's it. Now, how many of you have noticed that sometimes you have to have feedback conversations more than once? You're like, we're talking about this again? How many of you have tried to quit something? Chocolate, alcohol, shopping, something else. How long does it take? If you try to quit smoking, does it go on the first try? Yeah, the guy I'm dating, it's been a year. He's not working out. So don't expect to have the conversation more than once. And you tell the person, you prep it, right? You prep it, and you say, listen, when I see this get better, I'm gonna say something. And when it doesn't get better, I'm gonna say something. But be prepared to have this conversation again, although I'd really love not to. So, and this is really what I'm gonna talk about tomorrow. The key to being able to say what you want without being physically ill is to set the expectation that you're going to do so. But most of us don't, right? So we hire people who are like smart and talented, and they went to a great school, and we think they're gonna be awesome. And then they start, and they do this weird, squirrely stuff. We're like, woo, like the Scooby-Doo moment. I can't believe they did that. But it's too awkward to talk to them directly, because that feedback thing is too weird. So we just tell someone else, right? So we go to our friend in AAOE. We call someone in another practice, and we go, oh my gosh, I got this person, and they're doing this thing. And then your friend says, well, have you talked to them? And you're like, no, no, too bad. So what we'll do tomorrow is, well, how do I do this so that I'm not nervous? There's nothing I've said this afternoon that you can't do. Practices that advance and grow and make money, the administrators and the doctors and the staff have two things in common. And those are communication and courage. And you have both. So go out and be candid. It's been an honor to be with you. And I will see you tomorrow morning at eight-thirty. Thank you. ...