Speaker 1: Hi everyone. Thanks Claire. As Claire said, I was going to talk about change and change will be part of this, but given that I'm a woman and I change things, it's not all about that either. This journey actually started about two months ago when the organising committee came to me and said, would you like to talk? And I went, oh my God, what a fantastic opportunity. And I felt quite omnipotent. I was unbelievably powerful and very quickly went into denial and thought, what the hell am I doing? And it was only last week and someone said to me, gosh, have you got your presentation written? And I went, I better Google. And so I started Googling and looking. I thought, oh, the presentation's out there. It's out there in the internet somewhere. There's such good stuff out there all about change and the brain and innovation and creativity. And so I found some really good stuff, but then I thought, actually, I better ask my colleagues. So I started asking my colleagues and said, what does it take to be a professional? What does it take to deal with change? What does it take to be creative and innovative? And they said, dude, it takes time. You need time. You need better leaders. You need better managers. You need money. You need more money. You need better students. So I was like, oh my God. I really started to, in my belly, feel very, what were the word, anxious and actually fearful because it was getting much closer to today and I had nothing. And so I even then started to blame the organising committee and I went, I hate them. Just wait. I even started to really, Jonathan, why did he bring this to NSI? What the hell was he thinking? And then I started to hate you guys. Why did you turn up? And then I wouldn't have to be here. So I realised what we can do is we look out for the answers and really, is it about looking inward and does creativity really mean stopping the blame game and actually looking inside yourself that you can have the answer? So hence I started, I started to think, how am I sabotaging myself? Because boy, I'm not in a good place, as most of my friends will know. Oh, the clicker. Yes. Okay. Iceberg model. Maybe many of you have seen this. Above the ground, the social aspect where we function every day. We bring who we are to work, we're our family. But underneath, Freud actually said there's a bit of a mess there. That's where all the feelings that I was feeling get planted in the subconscious. And occasionally, do you ever find yourself in meetings where you say something out of place and you just pop up and then you go, oh, my God, I shouldn't have said that. I will never say another thing again. And you then go to the next meeting and then you do something. And again. Or you speak very loudly and get very boisterous about things and go, yes, this is the way it's got to be. And you walk out and go, why did I say that? So that's where, and this part, the subconscious, it's where it holds those feelings that we wake up, keep us awake at night, and we think, you know, the desire, the love, the hate, and the conflicting thoughts about, yes, I love it. No, I don't love him. Maybe I do. Should I do that? Maybe I don't do that. Okay. And it's crazy. It can be absolutely crazy making. So, and contemporary theories who follow Freud, thank God for this thing, has said parts of our personalities, these parts that are underneath, really bubble up until the social aspects. So I then went to think, well, where do they come from? What are these parts in here that we are attuned to? And that really, you know, become part of our everyday life without even knowing it. They're so subtle. They creep in. And, and I'm going backwards. The structural model here where it says parent, adult, child is actually from Byrne. And Byrne was a transactional analysis. And he said that the origins of our behaviours, feelings, and thoughts are within us. And hence that's why I've got the parent, adult, and child. They all exist. As opposed to little p and little c, which means an actual parent and an actual child. I'm actually talking about you. So, so I'm going to start in the middle with the adult space. And the adult ego space is the one that we bring on most of the time. Most of the time we're accessing that space. We're working. We're running around, doing filling. It's a place where we ask questions, where we're curious, where we're really interested in other people, where we commit our mistakes, where we really respond to the here and now. We get angry appropriately, as opposed to myself in the car this morning screaming at people. The parent ego state is another state where it's the lessons that we've learnt from our parents, or our caregivers, or the people we were close to, or our teachers. And it's how we, can you sometimes catch yourself saying things like, are you really going out in that? Or you think so, you think that's good enough to put in, okay. Or you catch yourself in a minute having a bit of a glance at someone. It's like someone's talking and you look over at the next person going, yeah, really, that's what she's wearing, oh, okay. And so, you know, I kind of channel my mother when I think of that. And the child ego state is the things that we've copied growing up and how we're thinking and feeling. And then we replay them. So, I was talking to my partner this morning. He said, Jude, whatever you do, don't get small. He said, you know when you get scared, you get small. And I start to, you know, collapse down and I sit in meetings and go, oh, I can't, you know, I'll just pretend I'm not here. Or, you know, we were at a meeting the other day and everybody rushed for the back tables. No one sat at the front. It's like, no, let's be kids. It's like we bring things out from our childhood that try to keep us safe. So, okay. These messages are really subtle and they come up. And managers and teachers sometimes can overuse one of the ego states. Not because they're doing it maliciously or because they want to, but their jobs, when I think about managers and leaders and teachers, it's their job to know. They have a job to actually care for the students in their class. They actually have a job to care for the institute and to care for, you know, the people that work for them. And sometimes that knowing can, you can feel like you've got all the answers and that feels great. So, you want to tell people. But what it can do is to bypass the adult and it triggers something in the child. So, sometimes your students, so if you're being quite knowing in a classroom and giving all the answers, then the students might, you might sort of see them disappear and sort of slip into, oh, well, I don't have to think because she's got all the answers. And the same with managers. If they do all the thinking and really caretaking and looking after their employees, then the employees can go, well, maybe I don't turn up or maybe I get rebellious and go, actually, you want me to do that report? I'm saying yes, but I'm really saying no. It's not going to happen. So, I think for me, acknowledging and naming what's going on within teams, within the classroom and taking a bit of a risk to know which ego state you are actually drawing from, and we do it all the time, can shift us in a more dynamic state to work with people and a more creative state and kind of help us get used to change. For me, what I've noticed from this experience is that my internal child was terrified. I did not want to do this. My internal ego parent was critical and blamed everyone. But the adult in me is really glad that I got up here today and was able to spend some time with you guys. Thank you for being a nice audience. And if, in some way, being aware and acknowledging your ego state can create a space to be more creative and allow you to stretch and unlock your potential, that's really just important for you. Okay, thank you.