Speaker 1: you're such an asshole guys what are you doing to me I had I had like I caught up I caught up and I didn't have any asshole consulting things it and I took I took one day off, and then now today it keeps coming in. Which is fine, I love it, I just, you know, there was a time when Cappy didn't want to be, it takes time being an asshole, I need a couple days off. All right, hey asshole, what tips would you give to recent college graduates who need to get their foot in the door for an entry-level, full-time, eight to five wage slave job? I'm about to graduate with a degree in mathematics from a large public university, a 3.7 GPA, and a year of paid internship under my belt. I feel I've done everything right academically, but it is a pain in the ass to do, but it's still a pain in the ass to get any full-time job lined up for when I graduate. Even though entry-level jobs exist in my field, data science, I see way more jobs asking for master's degree plus three years experience. Yeah, because the HR cunts have gotten in there now. So I don't know. For data science, Microsoft offers a data science certification. That's what I'm recommending everybody do before you go and piss away another ... Look, you guys just busted your ass off into either a data science bachelor's, a statistics bachelor's, math, and all that, and they'll say, well, we prefer math. Fuck you. Fuck you. I wish everyone would just say, fuck no, we're not getting master's degrees. So that certification, I think, is a way that you could apply and not fucking piss away more of your time. Is it just me or is it really tough to get your first job, full-time job, initially out of college? Even with a year of experience under my belt, it doesn't seem to be enough for most employers. I'm wondering if this was the case with you, since you said you did high-level economic analysis for your boss as an intern once. Yes, I did. But you also said you had shitty jobs in banking when you started full-time. Yes, I did. It was hard to get jobs. It was totally hard. I'd like to hear what advice you'd give to new graduates who didn't major in a bullshit subject but are still struggling to find an entry-level job. I'm sure you've been in our shoes, and I'd like to know what you did to get your feet on the job ladder. Keep in mind, I had a horrible career. I mean, my career in banking should not be emulated. I can tell you what I would have done differently and it would have made a much better career, although I would have had no soul. I would have made a lot more money. I'd be retired by now. But I did not have, I mean, and yeah, you are right. I ran into the exact same problem. Like I had internships under my belt, I had a great GPA, finished college, and what to answer it now, I'll go through the rest of your email here in a second. But to give you the general answer, people are dumb, dude. People are fucking dumb, all right? And I thought there was something wrong with my ... Look up the video, the hardest question I ever had to answer. You're going to think there's something wrong with you. No. There's everything wrong with society. Americans are dumb. They're fucking dumb. And just because they're over in corporate America and they're the hiring manager, they got their HR degree or they're, oh good, I want to go work for whatever, G capital. The people they employ are dumb, especially compared to math majors and STEM majors and stuff like that. So when you send your resume in to the recruiter, to the HR person, to the manager, they're dumb. All right. You're not dealing with competent, smart people. And that doesn't change. If you learn that, you realize that at least you can assess and diagnose the situation much more clearly. So I'd say you're probably not doing anything wrong, we're going to go through some things differently that maybe you can suss out whether, upturn the stones to see if that's something wrong with you. But in general, look, you did what they told you, right? You went and got your degree, you got a 3.7 GPA, now they're coming back to you. You went to STEM, now they're coming ... Oh, you need a master? Well, fuck them. It's not you, it's them. What you'd recommend to people today to get their feet on the job ladder, solution I thought about is publishing some personal machine learning objects on GitHub to show potential employers I can actually do the work they want. No. Don't publish anything that you could sell. Don't publish anything of value. Don't show them. I remember I used to give away my analytical model, and thank God no one used it because I wouldn't have been able to charge them. I would have been out there for free, but I remember giving it to old people. I'm like, here, try this. This is really good. Oh, thanks. Thanks. This old fuck from an investment bank. Thanks. Probably threw it away. it in the bin. I don't understand that, Derrick Sell. I'm a baby boomer. I don't need to learn that internet computer stuff. I like a video response. You want to make it more of a general PSA for recent college graduates who need help finding electric jobs. That's cool. Thanks to the other Aaron. All right, here's the deal. The number one problem I see everyone doing right now is that you limit yourself to the area you're in or you want to live. If I'm a recent college graduate, I would go wherever the fucking money is. Even if it means going to California, if your primary goal is your career, yeah, you got to start working. You got to find a job. I would say almost any job is a good job. If you can't find another job, sure, take it. But just be prepared to be severely let down with what you're going to do versus what the job details and duties say, all right? This gets back to the stupid thing, and again, all baby boomers lie, and now it's Gen X. Gen X is lying too because they're just as incompetent fucks. Your job description is going to be a lie. Your job title will be a lie. So don't think the grass is greener on the other side, or you're having bad luck. All jobs suck. You just need to get one, okay? You get one, put food on the table, and then expect the job, unless they're good and manage very well, just expect it to be below your competence level, below your abilities, but you at least get that job, and you start putting on your resume. The number one thing I would do is apply anywhere. Go to where the work is. I don't want to live in Texas. Tough fucking shit. You get a job offer in Texas, you fucking go there. That's what I would do, is expand your horizons. So, do not over-apply at recruiters. The reason why, that you apply for every job, and this is what I did when I found out because HR is now switching over to recruiters, if you flood a recruiter with your resume, you're like background noise and they won't ever take it and they won't ever ship it out. So I would go and talk to a recruiter that specializes in your field, give them your resume and then maybe call once every six months with the recruiter. Don't constantly send resumes. You get a recruiter, you give that guy or gal your resume, and then you check in every six months or so. Don't apply. If you see a job that you really like, call up that recruiter and say, hey Mike, hey Bill, hey Amy, I saw this job over here with this job number, is that anything you think I might qualify for? So that's another thing that I did wrong because I know that's going to lie to you because you're just flooding the market with resumes. Well, it's the law of economics. You flood the market with something, it becomes less valuable. So that's another reason to apply around is that you're just not flooding that local area with a ton of resumes. The second thing, or third thing, like I said, all jobs suck and you have to realize that the grass is not greener on the other side, but you want to inoculate and defend against employers taking advantage of you. Some employers, no matter how bad the job is and all jobs suck, some employers are just outright psychopaths. You'll find out. If the job details are boring and stupid and that's not what they said, that's going to be every job. If your boss is a fucking psychopath, which happens more often than you think because these guys got nothing else going on in their lives except to ruin other people, makes them feel better for their inferior lives outside of work, you always have to be applying for another job. The best way you get a raise or you get advanced in your career is you go work some other place. This, I'm going to work hard and I'm going to show my employers I'm going to be loyal. Nope. It's like girls. You play them against one another. This girl ain't doing it for you and it is a part-time job for the rest of your life. You get a job offer, too bad. You keep applying for jobs. You keep shipping out your resume. Probably not in the same company or the same industry, like somewhere else, and you're always looking. If the boss says, what's this with you applying for other jobs, I say, I am always keeping my options open. I always look for jobs. I am always on the hunt for better opportunities, and nothing's happened yet, this is still the best opportunity, but I always keep my eye open, keep a line in the water. They'll usually respect that. Some people will fire you on the spot, but you are always looking for another job, and Then you can become choosy. Then you can become choosy because now you got a job and then also you get another job. Like, okay, is this really going to pay me? And you say, well, I got a job, I don't need money. So I'd like to ask for $65,000 and if they balk at that, too bad. Hey, what are the specific details? Maybe I do want to work over in North Carolina. Maybe I'm sick and tired of working in California. So it's not until you have a job and no matter what it is, as long as it's in your industry, adding to your resume, then the real work begins and that's finding a better job that pays you more. Now you're going to have to do about six months to a year at least in your first job, unless you're doing contract work, which is also good. Again, contact a recruiter because then it's a three month to six month deal and it's part-time. Oh no, that's just contract work. That's fine. That's still experience. That's good. Sometimes you get more experience. Contract work is scaled, the actual amount of work that's there to do, unlike full-time work, which is not skilled. It's like, well, you have two hours of work to do a day, but we're going to force you to be here eight hours a day anyway. So contract work is fine. That's also versatile. But then when you start looking for other jobs, that is where all of a sudden, after you get that year in, and you want a good reference, you're very happy. You're Mr. Corporate Man, unless your boss is a In which case, if you don't find a job and you cycle, then you just quit. You don't tolerate abusive behavior, absolutely not, and you don't even put that on your resume. But then you start getting the secondary jobs, then you have something that you can play with. Now you can start playing the game of playing them off against one another. But it is like I would go every, at least once a week, go through, see what job offers are out there across the country or this town or that town, and you send a resume or two out there. Then finally, what I would be doing is some kind of ... This is in bachelor pad economics. If you can, do some kind of entrepreneurial stuff on the side, or at least start planting the seeds of that, because ultimately that's what's going to get you out and allow you to negotiate. Like right now, I had a recruiter email me. I'm like, I'm sorry, I bill out at $200 an hour now. I don't make $200 an hour, it's I bill out at $100 an hour to asshole consulting and if I have to give any more of my free time, it's going to be $200 an hour. And I said, it's executive work and it's no bullshit. And they haven't come up with it because no one's going to really afford that. But I'm in that position now. So if someone actually does come around and say, yeah, we will pay you $200 an hour, cool. But to get to that point, you need to have not only another job offer, maybe even a part time job, but you need to have some kind of entrepreneur business venture going on. that is, that's an entirely different discussion. But that's something that you start thinking about at least now. You start thinking about what do I want to do? You keep your eye open for different business ideas. If you want to know what type of business to start, look up the videos. I got to tell you, what type of business should I start? I have a ton of videos where I yell and curse and you say, I don't know, but it should have these traits. But that's again, a different topic. But otherwise in general, be willing to move vent everywhere, anywhere. Once you get a job, get a job in your field, don't settle for peanuts, but don't be like, I expect $50,000 a year, you know, okay. If a better job comes along, like you took a $30,000 a year job because it was there, but all of a sudden someone comes up with a $50,000, you say bye, and that's economics. That's the real world. That's the labor market. That guy not going to pay you enough. You go, where's $50,000? I said, well, why is it? You don't pay me $30,000. I'm going to go over here. Keep your eyes open, always applying, always on the hunt. Contract work if you can, that's not bad either. Maybe go to school part-time. I'd do more certifications in your case, like that data science certification through Microsoft. But inevitably down the road, you're applying for entrepreneurship. So lower your expectations. Realize people are stupid. No, it's not your fault. It is this hard. It is that hard to find a job out of college. You stand a little bit better chance if you're in IT, your STEM, et cetera. I mean, imagine being a fucking English major. Holy shit. And they got to go work at Barista's, they never do anything with their degree. I suffered this, everybody suffers it. It's not you. I think it's the most important thing. There's not really anything wrong with you. Oh, one thing though, let us make sure it's not you. I would use your employer, your employers, your schools, employment resources. Do mock interviews because I probably could have benefited from that. It's also going to make sure you're like, because I don't know you, you might have a booger hanging out of your nose. You might have some fucking gay looking goatee shit going on that you just don't have the puberty for. You might look like, you might show up and you stink, all right? There's a hundred other things, rather than me trying to guess them, go do some mock interviews, Go to your school's employment resource center. Tell them to be brutally honest. Get resume help. That's another thing. Keep in mind there's no clear rules about resumes, and just kind of use that. Make sure that there's nothing obvious on that end before you apply. But I'm going to assume you're normal and logical. Chances are it's not you. It's just that's how corporate America is. The only dumber motherfuckers in corporate American stooges and cubicle slaves and management is the fucking public sector, all right, and not by a lot. They're not that much dumber, but corporate America is full. There's a reason Dilbert is so popular because corporate America is full of stupid people, and that's what you're really running into. So don't let it get you down too much. Don't go and say, hey, this guy told you you were all stupid. It's just all this glamour they told you and all that television you watch and how everything works out perfect. Yeah, now it's the real world. I think the first lesson you learn is that, yeah, you don't get a job like that like they told you you would. All right. You guys got questions. The old captain's got answers, assholeconsulting.com. Get my book, Bachelor Pad Economics. It'll help you a lot. It addresses things like interviews and jobs and the job hunt and a ton of other information in there that'll help you recent college graduates out. All right. Best of luck to you. Toodles. You