Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I can't do this. Sorry. I can't do this. I just can't. It's too nerve-wracking. What do you mean you can't? What's wrong? Of course you can do this. No. It's just too many people. I'm just freaking out. My heart is going crazy. And what if I forget something? I just want to escape this. I just want to escape this. You want to escape this? Fine. What about the consequences? You know what happens to people who don't speak up in front of others? You know what happens to their careers? What about tomorrow when you have to speak up in a board meeting? In front of an interview panel? What are you going to do then? How long are you going to keep escaping this? You want to have a lifetime worth of anxiety and pain and escape and regret and failure? I don't know. I know it makes sense, but I don't know. I just can't. There's so many people who can't speak up. I mean, these people sitting here, a lot of them can't speak up in public, so I just have to deal with it. What do I do? Okay, hold on a second. Hold on a second. I can prove to you that you can. Okay? Watch. How many of you guys over here can come up here and confidently speak up? Can I get a show of hands? So just maybe, what, 10, 15 percent? Right? But watch. Hold on. How many of you who didn't raise your hands, if I were to put a gun to your parents' heads and told you then you have to come up here and speak, or I'm going to shoot them, would you then be afraid or would you come up and speak? How many of you say you would still not come up and speak to save your parents' life? Show of hands. Zero. What about you? Put a gun to your parents' head, you wouldn't come up and speak? No, of course. And what do you say? I mean, there's life and death situation. Of course I'd be able to speak. That's not a big deal then. Exactly. Life and death situation. Your career is on the line. That's life, isn't it? What are you going to do? Isn't that a big thing for you? Because when you look at the big fear of life and death, then you start thinking this is easy, this is nothing. But you know what? Your career, your entire life is at stake. That is a big consequence. It is like a gun to your head. And if you start focusing on the big pain that you're going to be getting tomorrow, if you don't do this today, you are going to think that this is nothing. Isn't it? Okay, that makes sense. I suppose I could. Alright, so how do I get comfortable and be able to do this like you? Okay, so it's got to start from the outset, alright? It has to start from the outset. What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about speaking in front of a crowd? First thing that comes to my mind, hmm. You want me to say it? Yeah, go ahead and say it. It's the first thing that comes to your head when you look at a group of people. First thing that comes to my mind is, oh, fuck. Okay, he made me say it. There's a lot of other swear words that come also, which I definitely can't say right now. And then I start saying, oh my god, I need to escape this. And I start finding ways of escaping it. Oh, no wonder you have a fear of public speaking. Okay, so we're going to be making a choice right now, okay? You're either going to accept the short term anxiety, and you're going to perform and develop and learn, alright? Or you're going to just say, you know what, I can't deal with this. So let me just go back to that entire lifelong of pain. Two choices. So because you've decided to go and kill this short term anxiety, you're going to say, you know what, I want this. I want to face the crowd. And I want to develop, I want to learn. So because the other choice is just too painful. So the first thing you're going to say to yourself is, I want this, not, oh my god, how do I escape it? Okay, and you know that nervousness you're talking about, you want to pump up your fist just like sports people do, alright? Look at that guy. That's why he performs. You want to pump up your fist and you want to say, I want this. All the time, every single time, before the day of your presentation, during the night when you can't sleep, in the morning when you can't eat, and when you're on the way, and before you're facing the audience. Every single time you want to say, I want this. You got it? You know what, you make it sound easy, it's not. It's just not easy. There's so many things, so many issues, you know? What if I just forget and I stand there and look at the audience and I forget? I didn't think of that. That's interesting. Yeah, I don't know. In that case, I think they're going to hang you. They're going to hang you. Obviously, how can you forget? You know, you're going to be on the front page of Times of India for forgetting your speech. It's going to be insane. Oh, I didn't think of that. Okay, so let's do one thing. Because you think you might forget, make a fool of yourself. Let's just go with another option of a lifetime of mediocrity and failure. How about that? That makes sense, right? And when you're in that lifelong mediocrity and you're looking back at your life and regretting, maybe then you can say, you know what, I chose this life because, hey, what if I forgot my speech the other day, and if people looked at me weird? You want to do that because you're making a choice. And you know what, what do you say about an interview tomorrow? If you have an interview tomorrow, or an exam tomorrow, there are chances that you might not get picked up in that interview, or you might not pass that exam. But do you say that, let me not go for that exam? Let me not go for the interview? Doesn't work like that. And, and, and, come on, I don't know what to say if you forget. Who cares? Yeah, I know, that's not what I meant. Of course, you're not going to be published in the Times, that's stupid. But you also don't want to look like an idiot, right? I mean, seriously, if I just forget everything, doesn't that, it's not a big deal. Okay, you know what, do one thing. You write everything down, and you just read it out. Okay, then what? I mean, if forgetting is a big concern, read out your entire speech, because slowly and steadily you will start gaining confidence to remember that entire thing. But the point is not to escape that and go back, because remember the other choice? That's not really a good choice anyway. Okay, okay. But, but English, okay, yeah, you know what, English is also a problem for me. I'm not, I'm not fluent, and I fumble a lot. So what do I do about that? It just makes me awkward. English? What about all the successful Europeans who speak in broken English all the time? People are not judging you on your English speaking. People are testing you on your confidence. And do you really want to go back because you don't speak English? You want to escape the situation and enter that entire life of mediocrity because your people would laugh at your English? Who's the Prime Minister of our country? What if he said that? Come on, man, there's nothing smarter than that. Okay, okay, okay. Fine. There's too many people. There's just too many people. You know, you give me four, five people, six people, a hundred people, and there's an IIT professor sitting in the audience. What are you saying? I can't do this. And the eye is looking at me. I can't even make eye contact with them. There's too many eyes looking at me. All right, hold on. Isn't that what you want? You want more people. You want more people to notice you, right? That's the whole point, isn't it? What do you want, like an entire two-people audience clapping for you? What is wrong with you? You want more eyes. And by the way, what's up with his eyes? You know, that's how people see. People see with their eyes. How do you want them to see? With their ankles or something? Doesn't make sense. You want them to, and you want to say, you want to first of all, get out of that little daze you're hiding behind. Come out in front and say, you know what? Look at me. I want people to look at me. And by the way, don't say this out loud. You're going to be looking like a retard, okay? In your head, you want to say, look at me. I am going to share an idea with you, which by the way, might bore the crap out of you today. I don't know. But still, even if it was, and here's the beauty of entering this short-term anxiety, even if it bores the crap out of you today, I will still walk away from here feeling a little more confident for the next presentation. I'll have moved a few steps closer towards my desired self. And that is what matters to me, right? That's the choice you're making, isn't it? So, who else? Eyes, say you want more eyes looking at you. Okay, it, okay, I know I'm not trying to make excuses. I know it all sounds rational. And it's all logical. But it's not me. That's not natural. It's just not me. I've always been this way, man. I mean, if I was younger, that'd be okay. But I'm 40 years old. I'm like 15, 20 years. I've been this way. 40, 50, I mean, come on. I can't, I can't. You know what? It's not, it's not natural. Maybe it's someone else's style, but I can't. Natural? You know what else is natural? Disease. So, next time you get sick, don't let the doctor interfere. Say, you know what? I don't want you to interfere this natural process. Let me die of whatever disease I have. And what about rapists? If they tomorrow walk away and say, you know what? Yeah, I raped a girl. I've been raping a girl for 20 years. It just naturally feels, feels okay to do so. God made me this way. It comes naturally to us. So, why are you stopping us now? Let us rape in peace. What's wrong with you? Are you going to accept that? Do you really want to be natural and worthless and live in a lifelong of pain and mediocrity and look at other people push you down and pass you by just because you didn't speak up and you wanted to be natural, natural and worthless? Or do you want to be unnatural and confident, learn, grow, succeed, and be in control? You're making that choice again. So, you decide. Okay. All right. All right. You know what? Definitely, you're right. I can't go back to the other choice. I need to do this. And it doesn't make sense to pick the other choice. I have to do this. Obviously. Okay. You make perfect sense. But, but I, and I'm pumped up. Believe me, I'm pumped up with your talk. I really want to do this. But then suddenly I get this, this pounding heartbeat. And I just, all of that talk just goes. And I just feel that this is nervousness. I just won't be able to perform. What do I do about this nervousness? Seriously, I'm not making an excuse. Okay. You know what? There's a lot of things that you're going to be doing in your life. Look at this. Okay. All of this is going to make you nervous, but it's fun too. Okay. So, you're going to have to just channelize your nervousness. Sachin Tendulkar, 200 test match. Was he not nervous? Of course he was. 100 century, every single century he scored, he was nervous. Every time he wanted to get off the mark, he was nervous. And we're talking about Sachin Tendulkar. 200 test match, 20 years of career, and he was still nervous. I am not saying that you're not going to be nervous. You are going to be nervous. You are going to be feeling a little scared. Okay. The biggest orator in the world, Anthony Robbins, he jumps up and down 500 times before an audience because he's nervous. So, you are going to be a little scared. Your heartbeat is going to be a little crazy, but that's, that's how you use it. You want that energy. Okay. So, you want to breathe just like that. You want to come out and you want to move around. You want to use your gestures. You want to speak loud. You don't want to just be stiff and stand like this. You're going to get even more. You want to use that energy inside of you. You want to start thinking in your head and you want to start looking at people and smiling at people. That's how the eyes become comfortable to look at. So, you want to use that energy. And every single time you get more nervous, every single time you get more nervous, you're going to have to look at that picture of pumping up your fist and saying, you know what, I'm ready for this challenge. Because there is no other choice, frankly, is there? So, nervousness is going to happen and slowly and slowly you're going to build it up into confidence. Now, clock's ticking. What do you say? Okay. So, fine. If I forget, I'm not going to be published on the Times of India. Come on. That's just stupid. What was there to be afraid of? People, yeah, I want more people. English, I don't care about my English. I care about moving out of that situation that I'm designing for myself. I don't want to be in that situation. Okay. I can do this. Hey, what? Watch me. Ladies and gentlemen, that was the dialogue I used to conquer my phobia of public speaking. And I'd like to assure you, I know a lot of you are shocked, I am not mentally retarded. I don't have any multiple personality disorder. Okay. This is a dialogue that I wanted to demonstrate. It's based on a very powerful technique called neuro-linguistic programming. And so, it's a way of talking back to yourself in the proper body language. One of the things that we do is we try to escape this short term and then we think that everything is fine. We're going to stay in our comfort zone and we'll be fine. That is the biggest bullshit lie ever. Because if we start to realize the gun to our head, we're going to notice that's a big problem. So, you respond back with that powerful dialogue that I just demonstrated. When I was in high school, my parents believed a lot in my academic potential. They knew that I was not getting through any of the top colleges. Okay. So, they worked really hard, saved up a lot of money and sent me to Toronto. And by the way, those of you who are, and a lot of people today's time, the thinking of Canadian immigration, do not be fooled by Google. Okay. I googled Toronto on Google Images. I thought I was going to see this. And guess what I end up seeing? That. That's what I end up seeing when I actually went there. Okay. The 1% of you who don't have relatives in Canada, because frankly, that's how you know if you're real Indian. How many of you have relatives in Canada? Show of hands. Okay. At least in North India, pretty much every single person, every time they hear Toronto or Canada, they say, oh yeah, I have a relative there. So, for the 1% of you who don't, let me tell you a little about the weather. For eight months of the year, it's like living in your freezer. Okay. And I used to, I remember because I was on a limited budget, I used to save every single dollar. So, I used to be walking a few kilometers, carrying big heavy bags of groceries, 15 to 20 kilos, and walking just to save $2 or $3 on the bus fare. Right. And I realized that, you know, my last name, I am Abanya, but I assure you it's not because it runs in my blood to save money. The actual fascinating thing is, I needed to save that money. Okay. Wait for this. To pay off people in my class so that they could present instead of me. Because I was just too afraid of coming up and speaking. So, I actually paid off people. The way I started this talk was exactly the way I was a few years ago. The only difference, the only change that I made is that I started responding back to myself. And I started asking myself, what choice are you willing to make? That entire lifelong of pain, because you're hiding today, it's not going to work out for you. So, you got to decide. And of course, it was tough. But compared to the other situation, it was easy. So many people with amazing potential. A lot of you raised your hands. A lot of you raised your hands when I asked if you're not going to be confident coming up here. I have a lot of friends. There's this, you know, as faculty for sitting here, we know the number of people who would do brilliantly but don't. Because they get stuck in a group discussion, at an interview. Their credits get taken away from them. Their ideas get stolen from them. They don't get respect in their social gatherings. Because they don't speak up. And imagine what would happen if they started having this dialogue with themselves. Because no one else, regardless how much another person tells you, you're not going to get this in your head. You have to have this dialogue with yourself. You have to be true to yourself. And imagine what would happen if you started having this dialogue with yourself and putting yourself up to the challenge. I mean, your growth would just explode, wouldn't it? I had a dadi, there she is. So, one of those, one of the exceptional people, you have a chat with her for half an hour. I don't care how unemotional you are, you will break down and cry after that conversation, listening to her life stories and inspirational struggles. At 90 years old, I thought this is going to be the end. Old age catching up with medical ailments, I thought it was going to be the end. She went to ICUs a lot, came back, regained her health. 91 ICU visits increased. In fact, you know, to the point that if there was ever such a thing called a frequent flyer program for ICU visits, she'd own half the hospital. Okay, she was that regular. Every third week she was in the ICU. And I was thinking, you know, at 92 years old, 93, 94, finally had it. I was like, okay, what's happening? What's your motivation? How do you keep regaining your health? And she smiles and she says, you know, and she told me, and it's one of the things that she had to talk with herself about. And she said, you know, even I tell myself, I'm not able to write anymore. When I try to move, I feel the pain of breaking the bone. And I can barely talk. So, I sometimes ask myself, what's the point? Why don't I just give up? And then she said, immediately, like, right away, she gets another sound inside of saying, you've always been a fighter. So how can you give up now? And she gathers just enough courage to write one more poem. So I thought to myself, you know, the kind of life I was choosing, paying people off and moving away, I am filling my life up with anxiety and pain and regret. I mean, I don't want to be at my dadi's and look back on my life and say I'm a nobody. I kept running away. And because, you know, the consequences of your choices and beliefs is exactly what fills your life up with either pain or the pride or the freedom that my dadi experienced. And so for me, you know, this is an easy decision, right? I want to ask all of you who are actually facing that problem or are afraid to speak up in front of a crowd. Are you really willing to go in that entire situation every single day, escaping, hiding? Oh my God, what if I forget something? What if this person thinks this about me? I just want to escape this, anything but this. Or do you want to just move out of there? Okay, come up in front of the crowd, pump your fist and say, you know what, anything but that. You want to laugh at me? Go ahead. Because frankly, I don't really care about this audience. I care about what I'm going to be 10 years from now, what I'm going to think about myself 10 years from now. So you know what, bring it on. I want this. Because there is a gun to your head. And those are the only two choices that you have. Thank you.