Speaker 1: If you were a dessert, what would you be? Rich like a dark chocolate mousse. Light like a fairy cake. Complicated like a baked Alaska. What would you be? As a mom, scientist, and burnout survivor, I discovered I was the baked Alaska. It all started four years ago when my husband took our daughter to the pediatrician. I had held her hand during every previous visit. But that day, like so many working moms, I had an unavoidable work conflict. When they got home, I was busy cooking dinner. My husband was so proud, but I couldn't bring myself to say thank you because nobody thanked me for all I did. I didn't know we were burned out. We had a fight. It's not my fault you no longer have friends or hobbies. He was right. Even my love of cooking was now a daily chore. That night, I wanted to escape it all. And I wrote a letter to my son and daughter on my phone. It was January the 3rd, 2018. I couldn't face another year of sleepless nights, constant stress, feeling like a bad mom, a bad wife, a bad friend, a bad colleague. My back teeth were cracked. My cortisol levels were high. And my work as a public health professor no longer had meaning. I still look back at that letter on my phone. It was full of good advice to my kids that I needed to take myself, the most important being, it's OK to ask for help. As my husband indicated, I needed an outlet away from work or home. So I enrolled in a stand-up comedy class. The homework was watching comedians. Who doesn't want that? I was a mother letting out a frustrated, primal scream, mostly at Alexa. Another classmate was a young Latino man coming out to his Catholic grandmother through Disney show tunes. We were all trying to find our voice. In the past four years, when I'm not working or mothering, I've dedicated myself to sharing my experience so others do not feel alone. I've read hundreds of books and articles, interviewed experts on my podcast, and watched amazing TED Talks. I learned to express my emotions and that my love language is positive affirmations. I learned to let go of authoritarian parenting through improv comedy. But as I researched how to be a better manager, I discovered the barriers mothers face in the workplace and society at large. Mothers of color, single moms, and same-sex parents face barriers I haven't. I learned that job burnout is recognized by the World Health Organization, but there is also caregiver burnout, emotional burnout, and parental burnout. No wonder so many moms are exhausted, resentful, and ready for change. And I realized with my two decades as a public health behavior change scientist, who had empowered patients, teams, and communities to change, that I could empower each of you to prevent working mom burnout through individual, organizational, and cultural change. Before I tell you more about the problem, some solutions, and how behavior change science can help us take action now, let me tell you about my husband's biking accident. Last September, when my husband broke his leg badly in two places, I experienced the added burden of caregiving. There was me thinking I did it all. But when he was stuck in mobile for three months, boy, did I realize how much he normally did to help me. During that time, we watched a lot of the TV show The Great British Bake Off. And one day, as a contestant blowtorched a baked Alaska, it came to me. That's what working mom burnout is like. We're trying to protect this delicious ice cream in the middle while being blowtorched to perfection on the outside. It's a recipe for disaster. But a baked Alaska can also help me explain the social layers that influence our behaviors, the social ecological model that guides my science. At the bottom, holding it all together is the cake. We know that's the mom's right. Next in my baked Alaska is the fruit. That sweet stuff is our families, our interpersonal relationships. Next is the cold ice cream, our work, education, and health institutions. And surrounding that is the burnt meringue. Society with its laws, economic forces, and perfect Instagram posts. But in the layers that influence social systems the most, there are few mothers represented. In the US in 2021, only 8% of Fortune 500 CEOs were women. Only 20% of news sources were women. And only 24% of senators were women. These are the statistics for women. They are lower for women of color and would be lower for mothers if they were ever recorded. It's not that we're not capable. It's that we're left out and burned out. Did you know that female-led companies are three times more profitable? But last year, only 2% of venture capital funds went to women. Did you know that female physicians have better surgical outcomes and are more likely to save a life in the ER, but they are 250% more likely to attempt suicide? I am in the top 1% of most cited scientists worldwide, and I am a burnout survivor. How is burnout affecting you, your family, your employees, your colleagues? We're all overworked, and burnout at any level is damaging. In the US, there are almost 5 million preventable cases of burnout in working parents alone. One of the biggest stresses for parents is the high cost and scarcity of child care. Paid leave is also not available in the US for all caregivers. And if it were, men would not feel free to take it. Men are also trained by social expectations to be the provider. My husband works so hard to provide for our family. He only took two days leave for each child. Many mothers leave their jobs to care for their children because they are paid less than their partners or co-parents. This is the motherhood penalty versus the fatherhood bonus. For every dollar a man earns, a woman is paid between $0.69 and $0.82. Mothers are doing 20 extra hours unpaid labor in the home. That's equivalent to a part-time job. We need pay equity at work and in the home. Lack of reward is a major cause of workplace burnout. Mothers are promoted less than dads and childless men and women. This is the maternal wall. Mothers are also considered less committed to their careers. Yet data shows we spend more time looking after our team's well-being, tasks not included in performance reviews. Managers still tell us we should be at home with our families and curtail travel opportunities. But what mother wouldn't love that quiet bath at the end of the day in a work-paid hotel room? Instead, advertising shows us as superheroes. But we feel guilty all the time. One of my male colleagues, who shares the parenting load equally, said it best. I do exactly the same tasks as my wife, but without the guilt. It's real. When I chaperone a school field trip, people admire me while my wife is judged for not being there. And when you find yourself pumping breast milk in the toilet at 8 PM at a company networking event, you know this system was not designed for your success. COVID exacerbated these inequalities, and mothers do not want to wait the 136 years predicted for global pay equity. We do not want our daughters to have to beat down the maternal wall, to have to break through the glass ceiling, to have to fight for the only broken seat at the table. Dads, what do you want for your daughters? So how do we change these social norms, this system that binds us all? First, we have to admit what is not working. While self-care can help you manage the symptoms of stress, I walk my dog every day, it's just a Band-Aid. Self-care does not solve the structural inequalities that cause burnout. So here are some solutions at the individual, organizational, and cultural level. You don't have to do them all, but at least know there are steps you can take. I found these solutions from experts on my podcast, from diversity and equity guidelines, and from the National Academy of Medicine. If you're a CEO, role model the behaviors that demonstrate reasonable working hours. Have meetings outside of school pickup times, subsidize child care, and provide paid leave for all caregivers. As a default, it's the default that's the behavioral key to changing norms. And use your power to advocate for government legislation to provide these benefits for your people. If you're a manager, create teams that hold each other accountable to hire and promote diverse leaders using a system of structured interviews and objective criteria, and measure team well-being as a key performance indicator. Even putting pictures of female leaders on the walls in rooms where important decisions are made can help cue the behaviors that reduce bias. If you address the causes of burnout, you prevent the costly loss of talent and improve diversity. Moms, we need the men in our life to step up, but you can also take charge. Sometimes you have to change your job. I changed mine. But if you stay and it feels safe to do so, practice asking, would you say that to a dad? The Fight Gender Bias cards from Lean In provide key counter-target behaviors. And in the home, use the Fair Play cards to review the 100 physical and mental tasks of parenting and managing the household, and share them out among your family, and trust them to lighten your load. Moms, you deserve more of a break than that quiet bath. Shortly before my husband's accident, I took a whole week off of parenting to focus on my mission of preventing working mom burnout. I took no responsibility for those 100 physical and mental tasks of parenting and managing the household for a whole week. And you know what? My brain began to work again. And I regained the confidence that I could make a difference. And I gained energy to support my husband's recovery. A coach can help you take that break. They provide perspective and permission to let go of expectations and to set boundaries so you can take back control. Ask your employer to subsidize a coach, because personal development is professional development. And it's a worthwhile investment for them, because you can learn to coach others. You see, mothers have these skills forged during child rearing, compassion, collaboration, creativity that can help us lead the teams of the future. Dads would have these skills, too, if they were given a chance to spend more time with their infants. Neuroscience shows their brains would change, too. That broken leg changed my husband's perspective. And now we both say thank you more often. Imagine if you could thrive, not survive. What if you didn't have to make excuses to take your loved one to the doctor? What if it felt safe to talk about your mental health at work? What if you could bring your whole self to work? Society would benefit. The economy would benefit. Families would benefit. Today, I want each of you to commit to a small goal in your home, workplace, or community. I have provided the ingredients, the behaviors you can change. Just pick one that you feel confident you can do. Will you be courageous and ask for help? Will you offer to give a mother a weekend break? Will you share your struggles so others feel safe to share theirs? Will you prioritize team well-being? Whatever you choose, just remember, half-baked good intentions do not lead to action. You also need the recipe, a behavior change guide. What will you change? When, where, how will you practice? Who will be your role model, your accountability partner? How will you cue your behaviors? How will you measure and celebrate your success? For each of my podcast guests, I create a free recipe card, a step-by-step guide to help you action their solutions for overcoming working mom burnout. And for companies, learning collaboratives can help you experiment to find out what works, like a behavior scientist does through a process of peer support, pilot projects, target behaviors, and evaluation cycles. To have the biggest impact, you need to follow a plan to create a long-term habit that becomes automatic, that changes the system. If you start today, you can change a mother's life and her child's future. Thank you.