Speaker 1: Do you love your wife? Yes Prove it. Like what's the metric? Give me the number that helps me know, right? Because when you met her you didn't love her Now you love her right tell me the day the love happened. It's an impossible question But it's not that it doesn't exist. It's that it's much easier to prove over time, right? Leadership is the same thing. It's about transition So if you were to if you were to go to the gym, it's like exercise, right? If you go to the gym and you work out and you come back and you look in the mirror, you will see Nothing, and if you go to the gym the next day and you come back and you look in the mirror, you will see Nothing, right? So clearly there's no results can't be measured it must not be effective so we quit right Or if you fundamentally believe that this is the right course of action and you stick with it like in a relationship I bought her flowers and I wished her happy birthday and She doesn't love me. Clearly. I'll give up That's not what happens If you if you believe there's something there you commit yourself to act an act of service You commit yourself to the regime the exercise you can screw it up. You can eat chocolate cake one day You can skip a skip a day or two, you know It allows for that, but if you stick with it consistently, I'm not exactly sure what day but I know you'll start getting into shape I know it and the same with the relationship. It's not about the events. It's not about intensity. It's about consistency Right, you go to the dentist twice a year. Your teeth will fall out You have to brush your teeth every day for two minutes. What is brushing your day twice a day for two minutes do nothing Unless you do it every day twice a day for two minutes, right? It's the consistency going to the gym for nine hours does not get you into shape working out every day for 20 minutes Gets you into shape. So the problem is we treat leadership with intensity. We have a two-day off site We invite a bunch of speakers. We give everybody certificate. You're a leader, right? Those things are like going to the dentist, they're very important They're good for reminding us or getting us back on track learning new lessons But it's the daily practice of all the monotonous little boring things like brushing your teeth that matter the most She didn't fall in love with you because you remembered her birthday and bought her flowers and Valentine's Day She fell in love with you because when you woke up in the morning, you said good morning to her before you checked your phone She fell in love with you because when you went to the fridge to get yourself a drink you got her one without even asking She fell in love with you because when you had an amazing day at work and she came home and she had a terrible day At work, you didn't say yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but let me tell you about my day You sat and listened to her awful day and you didn't say a thing about your amazing day This is why she fell in love with you I can't tell you exactly what day and it was no particular thing you did It was the accumulation of all of those little things That she woke up one days and it's as if she pressed a button. She goes I Love him, right leadership is exactly the same. There's no event There's no thing I can tell you you have to do that. Your people will trust you. It just doesn't work that way it's the Nick it's an accumulation of Lots and lots of little things that anyone by themselves is innocuous and useless Literally pointless by themselves people will look at little things that are good leadership practices and say that won't work and you're absolutely right But if you do it consistently and you do it in combination with lots of other little things Like saying good morning to someone that looking him in the eye my friend George Who's a three-star general in the Marine Corps? He says his test for leadership and I love this he goes his test really a good leaders if you ask somebody how their Day is going you actually care about the answer The number of times we're walking to a meeting. We're rushing we go. How are you? Not good. I gotta get to you later I got I'm late for a meeting if you ask the question you were standing there and you're listening to the answer It's those little innocuous things that you do over and over and over and over That people will say I love my job But I like my job I like my job means yeah, the challenge is great. They pay me. Well, I like the people I love my job means I don't want to work anywhere else. I don't care how much somebody else will is willing to pay me I'm devoted to the people here and I care desperately about the people here as if they were my family In business, we have colleagues and co-workers In the military, they have brothers and sisters That's how they think of each other if you really have a strong corporate culture The people will think of each other Like brothers and sisters don't really look like a family right? No brothers and sisters Deep love fight, but the love doesn't go away Bicker the love doesn't go away and I'll fight with my sister But if you threaten my sister, you're gonna have to deal with me, right? We'll fight internally We'll bicker with each other, but nobody's gonna hurt each other And if anything from the outside shows up you got you're looking at a unified front Brothers and sisters now, how do you create brothers and sisters out of strangers? Common beliefs common values You know parents in other words Executives who care about their children's success who care to raise their children teach them skills Discipline them when necessary help them build their self-confidence so that they can go on and achieve something more than you could have ever imagined achieving for yourself That's leadership