Understanding and Setting Personal Boundaries for Healthier Relationships (Full Transcript)

Speaker 1: Imagine you created a beautiful garden, but you notice people walking through the grass, littering or even picking the flowers you've grown. So you put up a fence to mark what is your space, and you now decide who can come in through the gate. This is how we would protect our garden, and is also how we should protect ourselves, by setting boundaries. Boundaries are limits we set for ourselves within relationships, be they romantic, professional, friends or family. You want to clearly see where you end and someone else begins.

Speaker 2: I describe boundaries like a road map, of me showing you how best to have a relationship with me. It is me clearly expressing and communicating my values and preferences, because I want you in my life.

Speaker 1: Some examples of boundaries are physical boundaries, what you are comfortable with in terms of your own space and your own body. Personal boundaries, what you are comfortable with sharing and what you would like to keep private. And time boundaries, how you would like to prioritise your own time and where you would like to take time to rest.

Speaker 2: An example of a request would be, please stop raising your voice. An example of a boundary would be, if you continue to raise your voice, I'm leaving. That would be me clearly expressing my thoughts and feelings, being aware of what I'm responsible for and being aware that I don't need to explain my no.

Speaker 1: Boundaries are something that everyone can benefit implementing in their life because they not only protect our time and energy, they also protect our relationships. They prevent miscommunication, misunderstandings and built up resentment. But what about when someone doesn't respect the boundary?

Speaker 2: What's often difficult for people is what to do when somebody violates or oversteps a boundary. If we use the earlier example that if somebody was to raise their voice at me, I am responsible for protecting myself. A lot of people fall into rescuing or fixing the other person, whereas that is up to me to protect myself and if you continue to raise your voice at me, I leave.

Speaker 1: If you feel like you need support, please contact your local mental health services.