Speaker 1: What is empathy? I recently lost my father and that experience got me thinking about empathy. So we'll explain what it is, look at how you can learn to empathize and ask the question, can we take empathy too far? Let's get into the details. I'm Alex Lyon and a big part of this channel is looking at our leadership skills. And I believe empathy can help us all become better leaders. As I like to say, the shortest distance between two people is empathy. It will help you connect with people. It increases your interpersonal skills and helps you create better relationships. The basic definition is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It's mostly about the F word, feelings. Empathy is about connecting with another person's emotions. There's an old expression that if you want to understand another person, walk a mile in their shoes. In other words, we can imagine what it must be like to face another person's situations and picture what it must be like to be them. We're looking for common ground and mutual understanding. Empathy helps us realize that we are not alone and that other people can and do understand us. I made another video on empathetic listening. I'll put a link to that in the description below this one. But one of the questions I'd read on that was, how do I learn to empathize in the first place? How do I put myself in somebody else's shoes? There are three ways I experienced empathy as I processed and grieved my father's recent passing. First, as you learn about another person's situation, you can recall experiences that you have had that might be similar. If the person is telling you that they just lost a parent like me, you might remember what it felt like when you lost a loved one. When my dad passed away several weeks ago, I got a call from a close cousin. She had lost her dad years ago and she was able to put herself in my shoes and remember a bit about what it was like for her. She said to me that grief can fade over time but then rush back in. She said you might be feeling fine and not thinking about it, but then an old picture might slide out of the pages of a book and grief comes rushing back in. She put herself in my shoes by remembering what it was like for her. And if you haven't had the exact same experience, you might recall something similar like what it was like to lose a family pet or say goodbye to a friend who moved away. Recall how you felt and connect that little bit of emotion to how the other person might be feeling. In professional situations, you might have a brand new employee and you can bring back your own memories about what it felt like when you were brand new on the job. And once you're recalling what it felt like for you, you've shortened the distance between yourself and the other person and you're very likely to have a more helpful conversation as a result. But what if you really don't have similar experiences that you can draw on to bridge that gap? Second, ask open-ended questions. Take an interest in the other person. My wife is an extremely empathetic person and she asked questions and was a good listener about my dad's passing. She let me know I wasn't alone. She nodded, made good eye contact. She showed me she cared. She asked questions, but sometimes just being quiet for a little extra moment and giving the other person time to talk and think is really what's needed. As we listen to others, imagine what it must be like to be them. My wife kept her responses really simple. She said things like, I hear you, or that sounds hard. But our main job is not to say a lot. Our main job is really just to listen to the other person's story. And at times we may not know what the other person is going through. They might not tell you. So sometimes you have to notice if someone's acting a little different, either positive or negative. And you can ask them, hey, are you okay? Or how are you feeling? If somebody is happy, you can ask them, oh, you're in a good mood, what's going on? Asking question creates an open opportunity for them to say more without any pressure. Then imagine what it must be like, whether they're in a positive mood or they're having negative emotions. Come alongside them either way to the extent that you can and show them that you're there for them. Share their moments of difficulty or celebrate their moments of joy. And the third way to practice empathy is to read books and watch movies about people's stories. And this often happens without even trying, if it's a good story. You'll know you're feeling empathy if you start to feel caught up in it. The other day I was watching one of my wife's favorite shows with her, Heartland. It's a Canadian show. And there was a scene where one of the horses was saying goodbye, if you will, to another horse who was going to live at another ranch. And the character riding the horse was also in a way saying goodbye to someone on the show. I really started to connect with the horse and the character because I had recently said goodbye to my dad. That's the empathy process. Now, I don't have horses, I don't live on a ranch, but I was feeling what they were feeling. Good stories can do that for us. They give us an opportunity to practice our empathy skills, if you will. And I wanted to jump up and say to that horse, I know just how you feel, buddy. And as you're watching or reading, notice if you're picking up on how the characters are feeling. That's empathy. Now let's talk about boundaries. Emotional boundaries are really important. I know some people who have a tendency to over-empathize. I believe therapists call this hyper-empathy. That's when you're so empathetic, you're like a sponge, and you soak up all the suffering, hardship, the difficulties of the people around you, and even stuff you see online. So if you find yourself in a really bad mood about something, examine that. Was there something specific, some turning point that put you in that mood? And did this bad thing happen to you, or did it happen to someone else? Is this your burden to carry, really? And if you find that you have a tendency to over-empathize, you may have to put some emotional boundaries up, maybe unplug for a while. You may have heard of the serenity prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And you don't have to be religious to see that that's just good advice. That's about boundaries. We have to get clear on where the line is that separates where another person's problems end and our responsibilities begin. We wanna establish healthy boundaries so we don't over-empathize or hyper-empathize and then burn out. We need to be at our emotional best when it really matters. This video in part was meant to honor my father and share what I've learned about empathy in the process. Question of the day, do you empathize easily with other people, or do you find it hard to understand and put yourself in their shoes? Feel free to post your comments in that section below. And you may want to look at the other video I mentioned about empathetic listening skills. I'll put a link to that in the description below as well. And I look forward to reading your comments. Thanks, God bless, and I will see you in the next video. And I look forward to reading your comments. And thanks, God bless, and I will see you in the next video.