Speaker 1: Hi, I'm attorney Frank Morris. I've been trying and winning family law and divorce cases for over 35 years. During those 35 years, I've developed several rules that help my clients to win. Divorce rule number one, if you want it, keep it. This is my favorite rule. If you want the family home, do not voluntarily move out. If you want custody, stay with the kids. If you want a particular item, like my Harley, take it with you when you leave the family home or if she's leaving the family home, put your treasures in a safe location where she cannot grab them on the way out. It's a lot easier for your lawyer to argue for you to keep the items that are in your possession than it is for your lawyer to argue, take it away from her and give it to him. Early temporary possession has a habit of becoming permanent possession. So if you want it, keep it from day one. Divorce rule number two, do not waste time when you're with your attorney. Chit chat costs the same per minute as good legal advice. You're not there to make a new friend or to tell your life story. You're there to get quality legal advice on how to survive this divorce and how to control your losses. If your first visit with the divorce attorney is for general information or to learn your rights or to learn the procedure, be prepared and be concise. Do not just ramble. Make a list of your questions and your concerns before you go. And when you feel ready to start the divorce or respond to the divorce your wife has started, you should consider all the issues that will be facing you during the divorce. Make a list of your questions, your issues, your concerns. Take a list of what's most important to you and take a list of your assets and debts with you. Be prepared for a productive business conference. Concisely state the issues in your divorce and clearly state what you want. Tell the lawyer your priorities and your concerns. Make certain that the lawyer is listening to you and make certain you're listening to the lawyer. This is a business meeting. Take notes. Lawyers are expensive. We charge by the minute, so don't waste those minutes. Get the most you can out of every dollar you spend. Don't waste time when you're meeting with your lawyer. It costs too much. Be prepared. Be concise. And keep on the issue. It will save you money and get you your best results. Divorce rule number three. Think and plan. Both getting married and getting divorced are expensive. Think before you do either. When thinking about starting your divorce or responding to getting served by your wife, make a plan. Act. Do not react. Think about all the aspects that will be involved in your divorce. Where will you live? Who should get custody of the kids? What's a reasonable visitation plan? What support is fair? Research your retirement. Prepare a property and debt division list. Think and plan. Decide what it is that is most important to you and prioritize. You cannot win everything you want on every issue. Decide which issues are non-negotiable for you, but also decide what you want but would be willing to compromise. Think about your spouse's priorities. What will she compromise, but what will she fight for? Sit down and write out your position on each issue. Make a detailed list of all your property and assets and all your debt. Be thorough. Then make what you believe is a fair division. Not absolutely everything you want, but a reasonable division that a fair person would agree to. That's usually the most you're going to get, so start from there. The better prepared you are, the better result you will get. Divorce rule number four, file first. The person who starts the divorce by filing the petition with the court and having the papers served on their spouse is called the petitioner. Many people are reluctant to start the divorce, but there are advantages to being the petitioner. Your petition for the divorce and your motion for temporary orders frames the issues for your divorce. You state your position on each issue first. The court reads your documents first. Your lawyer speaks first. You tell your side first and you set the timetable for the hearings. Your wife is stuck playing catch up on the issues that you have framed and on your timetable. Filing first is not a slam dunk, but it gives you the uphill advantage. Divorce rule number five, temporary orders become permanent. Don't believe anyone that tells you the initial temporary orders in your divorce are only temporary and are not important. Temporary orders have a habit of becoming permanent orders. If you lose in round one, why are you going to win in round two? If you lose in round one, you then have to convince the judge that they were wrong in round one, should change their mind, and now give you what you want. That's not a good position to be in. It's smarter to thoroughly prepare for the initial hearing and achieve everything you can in those initial temporary orders. Prepare for the temporary hearing like it's the final hearing because it may be the final result. It's easier to defend a win than recover from a loss. Divorce rule number six, don't say to your wife what you don't want to be repeated to the judge. Everything that you say to your soon to be ex-spouse during the divorce can be used against you as evidence during and after the divorce. Think before you speak. Just walk away or hang up. Words taken out of context can look very bad when repeated in court. Never write an email or a letter to your wife that you do not want the judge to read. Think about what you post on Facebook and other social media. It's all evidence that can be used against you during your divorce or during a modification. So don't give them hostile evidence to use against you. Divorce rule number seven, lead the life that you say you lead. Your actions and conduct during divorce should match what your attorney is telling the court that you are doing and that you want. Don't tell the court one thing and then do another. If you want custody or equal time with your kids, commit to spending that time with your kids now. Make yourself available. Don't miss visitation. Don't even be late for visitation and then ask the court for custody or more visitation. If you say you cannot afford all the demands that your wife wants, don't buy a new car or go on a Las Vegas vacation during divorce. Your lifestyle and your conduct should match your divorce pleadings. Your wife will be more than happy to show the judge how what you say in court does not match what you really do. Your lifestyle is your best evidence during divorce. Divorce rule number eight, do not lie. Now that sounds pretty simple, but it can be hard when the pressure's on and money and custody are at stake. It's tempting to bend the truth, but don't do it. Do not lie. Lies come back to bite you. The truth is out there. The truth will surface. Once the court knows that you lied about one fact, they will not believe you when you're telling the truth about other facts. By trying to bend the truth a little in your favor, you will give your wife absolute credibility in the courtroom. Don't help her beat you. Face the truth and deal with it head on. It will come out better for you in the end. Divorce rule number nine, let it go. Once the divorce is final, move on. Put the divorce behind you. Let it go. You've lost what you've lost and you've won what you've won. You're not going to change the outcome by beating it to death. You have a great life to live, so go live it. Divorce rule number 10, keep it to yourself. After your divorce, your mouth is the best source of information for why your ex-wife should get more child support or increase and extend her alimony. If you get a raise, a promotion, a gift, an inheritance, or win the lottery, keep that information to yourself. Bragging about your good fortune will result in you sharing that good fortune with your ex-wife. During the divorce process, you had to truthfully disclose facts about your income and employment. Now you're divorced, there's no rule that you have to keep your ex-wife up to date on your successes and good fortune. She'll want to share of that good fortune, so keep it to yourself and you may get to keep it. Divorce rule number 11, think before you remarry. This rule may not be popular with some of my fellow divorce lawyers, but it's a good rule for you. You just paid a huge emotional and financial price to get divorced. Don't jump into another marriage without a lot of thought. Most quick rebound marriages fail. Think about why your last marriage failed. Think about why this new relationship will work when the old one did not. Keep to remarry until you are confident that this is the right match for the duration. Believe it or not, most good divorce lawyers do not want to see you for another divorce. We prefer that you go forward with a happy and prosperous life.