Speaker 1: Every year, two of the biggest issues that I see in college essays are weak hooks and poor conclusions. What really breaks my heart is not just the fact that these two issues are so prevalent, I mean, more than half of the essays that we read and edited had these problems. It's also the fact that when the hook or conclusion is done poorly, it's just done really, really poorly. Like, well, kill your chances of getting admitted poorly. That's the bad news. The good news is that bad endings and bad hooks are actually pretty easy to fix. Before we begin, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Kevin Zeng, Yale East Asian Studies grad and co-founder of The Elevated School. And here at Elevated, we really focus on writing. This includes creative writing for middle schoolers, analytical writing for high schoolers, college essays, and more. That being said, we also help with applying to college. So if you're looking for feedback and help on your resume, interviews, transfer application, strategy, summer programs, you name it, we got you covered. Visit our website and shoot us a message. I promise we don't bite. Let's begin. Let's start with hooks. Why are they important? They're important because college admission officers spend no more than 15 minutes on your entire application, which translates to around just 5 or 6 minutes on all of your essays. If you don't capture their attention, or at the very least, pique their curiosity, chances are they're going to skim through your application file even faster. Now, one of my favorite ways to grab a reader's attention in any story is by starting with conflict. Conflict, conflict, conflict, conflict. Conflicts are natural hooks. I'm going to give you guys a few examples of a conflict hook, each of which gets better and better. As I list them out, I want you guys to consider why they're improving. Example number one. When I ran for student council president, my sister laughed at me and told me I had no shot. Example number two. My dad calls it the deep fryer. I call it the singer. Example number three. The challenge with building an igloo is that if you don't finish by 4 p.m., your risk of hypothermia increases exponentially. Why is conflict number three so powerful? What does it have which the other two lack? Well, first of all, it's a way more original scenario. And before you ask who actually gets stuck building igloos, know that one of my Yale friends actually wrote her essay about that. Secondly, what makes this hook so interesting is that there are some real stakes, like hypothermia could actually kill you. And last but not least, it helps evoke sensory details, immediately helping you show instead of tell. Already, you can picture an igloo and imagine the prospect of hypothermia seeping into your bones. Whenever crafting a hook, always ask yourself, how can I raise the stakes? And also, what are some of the more uncomfortable, unusual situations that I've been put in? Try writing out three or four of the most intense problems you've ever faced, and then consider which one of these could actually be a genuine Common App essay. It's worth mentioning here that there are loads of different kinds of conflicts. There's character versus self, character versus character, and character versus environment. Your story could feature one, two, or even all three. An example of character versus self would be writing about a time when you had a significant change to your own personal ideology or philosophy. Character versus character could feature a physical conflict, a social one, or even an intellectual one, like that time when you debated with your cousin about why string theory is just plain wrong. Similarly, character versus environment could be a physical one, just like the igloo example I just mentioned, or it could be social, or even economic. An example of that would be writing about a time when you stood up to bullying or when you advocated for more club funding as a student council representative. The possibilities are truly endless. My second tip or trick is to begin your essay with mystery. Pose a question that has to be answered. Let's take a look at a few examples, some of which I just made up on the spot, and some of which are from real essays. The best teacher I ever had couldn't even speak. Want to know the secret to perfect fried rice? My pet turtle is the reason I flunked my AP Physics exam. As you can see, you can begin with a question or just pose one that's answered later on in the story. Is it simple? Yes. Is it effective? Absolutely. By the way, friends, if you're enjoying today's video, please don't forget to hit the like button. It means a lot to me personally and it helps spread our free content to more folks. Comments about videos that you'd like to see next are also welcome and appreciated. Thank you guys for being so amazing and thank you so much for watching. Moving on to the conclusion. Those darn final paragraphs of your Common App essay. My qualm with the dozens of conclusions I read last year is that they were so incredibly cliche or they just regurgitated and repeated what the author had already stated earlier in their story. To avoid that, we're going to ask ourselves and answer two questions. So what and what can I contribute to campus? Allow me to illustrate this with, you guessed it, another example. Let's say that you've decided to write your essay about serving as part of the prom committee and organizing a bake sale fundraiser for prom tickets. Now, a lot of students might think that the so what of a fundraiser is to raise funds. But what if we presented this bake sale as something more? What if we presented it as a reflection of our own values? What if we wrote something like this? These bake sales are so important to me because I believe in human connection. While it certainly would have been less effort to solicit email or online donations, the process of showing up in person to sports events and club activities, then serving my classmates cookies and muffins that I baked myself, that feeling of being present in the moment, those little interactions, that means the world to me. In both big ways and small, I resolve to show up, be seen, and connect. That's the kind of person that I hope to be and that's what I hope to bring to a college campus. This concept of the contribution to campus is a critical one. To be completely frank and honest, I had no idea that this was a major factor when I applied to colleges. My own Common App essay failed to address this point. But every year, I've noticed that the kids who hit this contribution to campus nail on the head just do so, so well when it comes to college acceptances in December and March and April. Final notes, keep in mind that your contribution to campus can be either tangible or intangible. It can be something concrete, like the fact that you're really good at 3D printing and you plan on creating a bunch of cool gadgets for you and your roommates. Or it can be something more intangible, like hanging on to your childlike sense of wonder and curiosity. That's it for today, folks. I hope you enjoyed today's video. Don't forget to like and subscribe. I'll catch you at the next one. Peace.