Speaker 1: From time to time, everyone has conversations that they know need to take place, but the mere thought of them causes so much dread and anxiety that we end up putting them off again and again and again, which, of course, accomplishes nothing. So today we're going to talk all about how to approach difficult conversations. Welcome back. My name's Nina, and I'm a life coach that specializes in personal development. Here at this channel, we talk all about our emotional well-being, understanding our own psychology, and leading our best life possible. So if you aren't already a subscriber,

Speaker 2: please take a moment and become one because we definitely want you to stay connected. So I'm sure when this topic came up,

Speaker 1: something immediately popped into your mind about a conversation that you yourself need to be having that you just have not been able to have because just the thought of it makes you way too uncomfortable. It's a terrible feeling to feel that we have something that we really do need to express, but we feel that we really can't do it. So today we will get to the bottom of it. I'm going to give you seven different ways to help us mentally prepare for having that conversation and then seven strategies that we can use to help ensure that the conversation has a positive outcome.

Speaker 2: So let's start by talking about what we need to do to prepare to have this conversation.

Speaker 1: So the first thing we can do is to really establish to ourselves why the conversation is indeed necessary and what we hope to accomplish by having this conversation. So we really want to make it clear to ourselves and also to remind ourselves why it's so essential that we stop putting it off in the first place. The second thing that we need to do is to determine whether or not the motivation to have this conversation is indeed something positive. So for example, a lot of times subconsciously, we might really just want to hurt that person or to punish the person for doing something that we perceive to be wrong. So we want to make sure that there is some kind of positive outcome that we do want to come out of this situation and that our motivation for having the conversation itself is something that is good and noble in nature. The third thing we need to do is to determine what the underlying fear is from having this conversation. So we've been putting it off because we are afraid, but we need to really know why. So once we've determined that, we can really ask ourselves if this fear is indeed realistic. Now, it certainly could be, but we might also be really exaggerating or catastrophizing the issue. So we want to really get clear about what the fear is and then determine if it is or is not a rational fear. Now, the fourth thing goes hand in hand with number three, and that is to really determine the realistic consequences for having this conversation in the first place. So again, not the stories, not the catastrophizing, but what are the realistic potential consequences of having it. Now, from there, we need to determine whether or not it is worth it for us to have this conversation. Are the consequences just too severe, or is this something that really is worth our time and energy to do so? The fifth thing that we need to do is to look at the assumptions that we may have made about the other person's reactions or about the situation itself, and we need to be open to the possibility that we are actually wrong. So are we truly working with all information that we really are sure about and we know and is factual, or is it possible that we have made some assumptions that could potentially be incorrect? The sixth thing we need to do is to take responsibility for any way we may have ourselves contributed to this issue or problem. So it's so easy to see what the other person has done wrong a lot of times, but we want to go ahead and take full responsibility for any of our own shortcomings or anything that we even unintentionally did to aggravate this problem. This is especially true if we are talking about a relationship. It takes two people to have any relationship, and it is very unlikely that only one person is to blame. But even when it's something that does not have to do with a relationship, we just want to consider the fact that we possibly could have aggravated the situation in some way. So that's something we definitely want to be aware of before we walk into this conversation. And the seventh thing that we need to do is to change our mindset or at least check our mindset. So we know if we are going into this conversation assuming it's going to go very badly, it is going to go very badly. So we want to be realistically optimistic about the conversation itself and go into the conversation with a relaxed demeanor. We are going to find that it has a much more likelihood of success than if we were going into it with a very negative mindset. So we just want to be aware of how we are actually thinking about it because we don't want to project that onto the conversation.

Speaker 2: So those are all the things we need to think about as we prepare for this conversation.

Speaker 1: But let's go ahead and talk about what we need to do once we're actually in this conversation. The first thing that we need to do, and this is the most important step, hands down, is to let the person express themselves fully and completely. We want to calmly listen to them without judgment. We want to go ahead and make sure that we are letting them talk and that we are not interrupting them. So we have to understand that our perceptions are completely different from another person's perceptions. So we really, truly have to sit there and really try to soak in as much information as possible. We really want to understand this situation from the other person's eyes. Now, the second thing really goes hand in hand with that, and that is to make sure that we are actively listening. So the first step is to let them express themselves, but the second step is to make sure we are actually listening because, unfortunately, it is much more common for us in conversations to, instead of truly be actively listening, to be preparing our own defense or our own argument. So we want to make sure that we kind of switch that part of our brain off and really make sure that we are actively listening. We will have our chance to talk and to, you know, give our own argument or defense if that is necessary, but the act of listening is essential. The third thing that we need to do is to make sure that the other person does feel understood. We need to validate them and their feelings. Everyone is allowed to have their own feelings. Now, that does not mean that we are necessarily agreeing with them or their point of view. We are simply making sure that they understand, that we acknowledge, and we are validating what they are actually thinking and feeling. Now, the fourth thing we need to do is to clarify and explain our own position. So now we want to give our own point of view, and we want to make sure we are not doing this in an aggressive way. Not only because aggression isn't really appropriate, it also really creates a wall between us and the person that we are speaking with. So if we are using a calm demeanor, it is much more likely that they will be understanding of how we are feeling. So we want to just make sure that we are really expressing ourselves, but we are doing it in an assertive way that is not aggressive. Remember that they may have no idea that you even felt this way or that this was in any way a situation. They could have been completely oblivious to this. So you need to give them time to soak it in, and you really need to just be clear about what you are communicating, and we just don't want to cloud it with anger and that aggression. Number five is that we do not want to assume that they are going to agree with our point of view or even understand where we are coming from. So our job is simply to put the information out there because it needs to be said, but after that point, there's no guarantee it's going to go in the direction that we are hoping it to go in. Number six is that we need to find a solution that works for both parties. So a lot of times we come into conversations with one specific solution in mind, but keep in mind that that may not be the best solution for the other person that is involved. So we want to be open to other possibilities. So we want to go ahead and bounce ideas back and forth, and we want to be open to the other person's ideas. So you want to make sure that we're listening to them and that we're not shooting them down. And then at the end, after we have all expressed our different ideas, we want to ultimately try to come up with a solution that is really workable for both parties. And number seven is to make sure that we do not give advice unless it is asked for or called for. And if we don't know, we can actually ask the person involved if they are open to suggestions, because if we fail to do that, we are going to come off looking very superior, and that's going to be a big turnoff for them making any kind of changes, and we also don't want them to be defensive. So they may not be open to suggestions or advice from us, and that is totally fine. If they are, go ahead, of course, and give it. But if they aren't, they are going to find the information that they need elsewhere in a place and in a situation that's probably a lot more comfortable for them. And that's it. So after you have expressed yourselves, you've put this into the hands of the universe. Remember, again, there is no guarantee of any specific outcome. There never is. So the important thing is that you stepped up to the place and you put the information out there, and it's probably a huge weight that is going to be dropped off your shoulders when you do so. We have to remember, however, that we can't let our happiness or peace of mind be determined by how they choose to react to this situation. So we really have no way of knowing ultimately what will happen because of this conversation, but we need to be happy with the fact that the conversation actually took place in the first place. The only thing we can ever control is our own behaviors and our own actions and reactions. So it's up to that person to ultimately decide how they choose to respond to the situation, and that is something that is unfortunately never in our control. So I wish you so much luck and love in this process. I know it is very difficult to get the courage to have these conversations, but when we know in our heart that they are important, we need to find that courage because hopefully it will lead to a resolution that will be much more positive than the current situation. So I hope this video was helpful to you. And if it was, please like it and share it with someone else who may need to hear the same very message today. Also, again, if you aren't already a subscriber, take a moment and become one. We definitely want you to stay connected. And I thank you so much for spending time with me today.

Speaker 2: Have an absolutely amazing day. Thank you.