Speaker 1: Hey everybody, my name is Ashley Collins, and I'm a YA generalist at the Main Branch Downtown. And today, as part of the adult skills series for all you guys that are leaving high school and getting ready to start either college, university, or just, you know, your new life kind of as an adult and getting used to that, we're going to talk about roommates. I have personally lived with roommates now for five years in a bunch of different living situations, so I hope that I can give you guys some advice and kind of some quick tips on do's and don'ts as to having roommates. We're just going to talk through four little quick categories and kind of talk through some things to think about when you have roommates. So the first thing to do is if you have roommates and they're strangers to you, get to know them. You don't have to be best friends with them. A lot of people are just casual friends with their roommates, or you may have totally different lives and never see each other. That's very possible. I have lived with roommates who I rarely, if ever, saw, and that's totally okay. Everyone's experience is going to be completely different. You don't have to expect to not make friends with them, but if you do make friends with your roommates, it is a great built-in way to have a good system and community around you. When I was a freshman, two of my best friends that year and two people who remain really good friends to this day were actually two of my roommates, and it was just a great way as a freshman, kind of scared and shy and introverted, to get to know some people and find out you have common interests with them. So roommates can definitely be a good thing, especially in that sense, but also make sure you go out and find friends in your classes, do some activities, things like that. But with roommates, if you're going to live in a dorm with multiple roommates, your college is probably going to send you their names and contact information at some point before the school year starts. So if that's the case, I totally recommend reaching out to your roommates, and if you have multiple roommates like I did, I had in every dorm I lived in, we had a shared suite style where we all had either our own rooms or shared rooms, but we lived as one unit. Totally start a group chat with all those people, because one great thing about having a bunch of people in your dorm or apartment is that you don't have to buy as many things when you start out. You can collaborate on cleaning supplies or kitchen supplies. Let's say you want to cook, you can bring your pots, someone else can bring baking pans. You don't all need to bring your own vacuums unless you want to, and that's cool too. But it's a great way to not only get to know each other, but to save you guys all some time and money, because your first year of college will be just kind of crazy, and you've got to figure out your flow. It's going to be an adjustment for sure. Another great thing about roommates, even if you don't plan on being friends with them, get to know them. It's a good idea to get to kind of know what their majors are, because you'll have an idea of what they're doing, what their life's like outside of the room you see them in. But also it's a great way to kind of understand your college more. You'll get to know a lot more about what your school offers. If you have international roommates, you'll get to learn about their culture, which is really cool. So your roommates can be another great way to just learn about the world and your surroundings around you, even if you're not friends. You might find yourself surprised by the conversations you do have. Also at the same time, getting to know your roommates' schedules is really great for when you get to that point where you're setting boundaries, which we'll talk about in a bit. But it's good to know if one roommate has really early morning classes. At a certain point of the night before, noise cuts out. You have to be respectful of that other person's lifestyle. That's a big key to having roommates, is just being respectful and considerate, because every single person in your room or apartment, they are going to be someone who's got their own worries and their own lives. They'll have jobs, they'll have after-school activities, they might do sports. You just got to be kind of aware and kind and considerate about everything that everyone's got going on, because it's not just you that's doing a lot in school or in your adult life. And one thing, if you are going to college, a lot of schools, they have multiple housing kind of questionnaires and contracts. So for example, I did go to College of Charleston, and before I even got assigned roommates, they asked me a bunch of questions like, do you stay up late? Do you work? Do you smoke or drink? They will ask you that probably to make sure that doesn't become an issue. Do you want to be friends with your roommate? Just things like that to kind of figure out who you are, because a lot of schools do try to pair you with people that you're going to at least get along with, as far as living together. And so that will help a lot, I think, in already when you get to that point where your roommates are assigned, hopefully you'll have similar ideas and views on like what living together should look like. And also, if you live in a dorm, there's a really good chance that your resident advisor or your RA, there's a really good chance that the school has given them a roommate contract and they have to go around to every room that they are in charge of, basically, and sit you all down and have you agree on a bunch of different stuff. So that is a great thing about dorms, especially is that you do have that built-in mediator who's going to talk to you and get all of that straightened out. And just honestly, the one big tip about getting to know your roommates and having the roommates, like I said, be courteous, be kind. In college, you're going to have a lot going on, like just crazy schoolwork, might be working a job, you have activities going on, and everyone else is going to have the same. So just common respect, and that will get you through a lot. So going off to the next category, boundaries, like we talked about, make sure you guys establish very early on what are do's and don'ts for you. So for example, one big don't for me is I hate when people leave dishes in the sink for a really long time. And my dorms usually didn't have a dishwasher, so that kind of became a reality that I quickly realized I didn't like. And so that's the kind of stuff that you might want to think about before you get there, but it's also the kind of stuff you might figure out as you go. And that's okay, because you can just talk to your roommates at any point and work that out. It's not a big deal. I know it seems hard and weird and like really intense confrontation the first few times you do it, but by the end of it, those kind of things are just simple problems that can easily be fixed and taken care of. But you also just want to think about a lot of things that are common in shared living situations, is you're sharing stuff too. Even now, I still share cooking supplies with all my roommates, because it's a lot easier than buying full sets for individual people. And then when I was living in a dorm, you have to think about sharing electronics. A lot of people will get a shared TV. Are you guys fine with sharing a TV, or is that going to be a problem? Do you want to share food? You might even want to share clothes with your roommates. That's something you can do. And one big thing to think about is if you guys have control over an AC in your dorm, or if your apartment has an AC heating unit, definitely come to an agreement on a central temperature pretty early on, because you can find yourself very frustrated flipping the thermostat back and forth, because it's not where you want it to be. Sometimes you do have to compromise when you live with other people, and that's totally okay. Compromise is okay. So, yeah, like I said, your RA may come around and kind of take care of all this for you. But even if, for example, you share your actual bedroom with another person, you might want to have that conversation amongst yourselves, and again talk about, you know, okay, well, do you have people over every week? For example, could you let me know you have people over? That's always a really good thing. If they have guests over, just a heads up to let you know someone's going to be in your room. That's always cool. And just different things like that, keeping in mind how to accommodate other people and those boundaries as much as possible. One really common thing, too, is when it's like midterm final season, you can ask for some quiet, some different, you know, loud and quiet hours, so that when you're trying to study, you have the ability to study in your place if you want to. You won't have to go out to another location to focus. And yeah, also with like sharing the items, a good policy, if you're not sure at the time whether or not you'd be open to sharing items, one great thing that my school did was they just had us give the option to ask first. So if that works for you, just have your roommates ask you first, and that solves the problem right there. Cool. So another category, and this one I'm actually singling out from boundaries because I don't think anyone really realizes how important it becomes until you get into living with roommates. And that is cleanliness. And it's not just for boys or girls or whoever. Everyone is really messy when they start college because a lot of people are either used to their parents helping them out and doing stuff or being told by somebody to do things. And so when you go out on your own, I think as a teenager, you kind of just put cleanliness aside, and you don't think about cleaning your space nearly as much as you would if you were being at home told by somebody. So cleanliness definitely does become something that you have to think about. And as the semesters get busier, that's something that totally falls by the wayside. Like during the midterm final season, cleanliness is not a thought in anyone's head, and that's totally okay. But if it's something that bothers you or if you find there are things that you're bothered by about that at some point, definitely bring that up to your roommates because, again, it doesn't have to be a big thing. You don't have to hold the feelings in about it. You can just chat about it, and you can work it out. And if you ever can't work anything out, that's what your RA is there for. They are there to mediate those problems and help you learn how to compromise easier than you're used to. So, yeah, definitely think about cleaning. It might even be a good idea for you guys to just make up some kind of loose responsibilities if that makes it easier. This roommate is responsible for cleaning the kitchen. We trade off cleaning the bathroom if you share one. Just little things like that will go a long way in the process, and cleanliness won't be such an issue because you really will be surprised by how important that does come as you go on living in your own space. And last but not least, communication is key. I know I've said that like a dozen times already, but it's honestly the truth. Communicating, just getting to know your roommates, communicating about problems, all of that is the best way to get through any living situation. Whether or not you find you enjoy living with roommates or whether or not you find that living with roommates is not for you and you're definitely getting a single room next year, that's totally okay. But regardless of how you feel, the only way you guys are ever going to be able to solve anything and make sure everyone has what they need is through communication. It's also just really good to be on kind of good communicative level with your roommates because if you ever get locked out of your apartment or your dorm, at least having the ability to speak to them and being fairly knowledgeable of each other's lives will help make that a lot easier so you're not locked out for very long or someone can let you in, things like that. Because as I said, in a college situation, they're probably going to give you their phone numbers. But even if you live in an apartment, get your roommates' phone numbers, keep a group chat going. That's what we do right now. And we even use that to share the cost of utilities that get split because you do live in an apartment, you will be paying more costs individually than you would be in that wrapped in tuition and dorm and housing fees. So it's just an overall good way to stay in touch with your roommates for anything that needs to be taken care of or set. And yeah, I think that's really it. Like I said, your roommates are people. You're all going to be adjusting, especially if you're a freshman and it's just going to be a new chapter in your life and there's going to be a lot going on. But at the end of the day, if you remember that your roommates are just other students trying to get by and you stay open and courteous and communicative with them, then I think you're going to find having roommates is just fine. It's a really good experience. It's a great way to get to know people. And it's a good way to just kind of adjust in the city and not feel too drawn out and crazy by everything else because you'll have some people to lean on in some way, no matter what. So hopefully that helped you guys out a little bit. And if you have any other questions, comment them down below and we can try to help you out any more if you need it. But with that being said, I hope you guys enjoy the rest of this adult skills series and I hope you have a great day. Bye.